I wish there were a
telltale heart beneath
my floorboards that
spoke to me, told me
what to think, to feel
when it comes to love.
I am trying to be casual,
let others into my life--
I feel as if I am
betraying him and then
have to remind myself
that he made the choice
to push me away, so I
try to enjoy each
moment with him as
if it could be the last
and not worry about
tommorow.
I will let other men
hold me and whisper to me
and tell me I'm beautiful,
even when it feels awkward.
And I will try to cherish
every touch he offers, every
moment our hearts beat
together...I will be strong--
Or at least I will keep
repeating that to myself
until I believe it.
Tonight, I let my guard
down, let him see my tears.
I shouldn't have peeked
but I had to know if
my picture still
hung on his wall.
It was replaced with
the one *her* parents
bought for him, as if
it were never there.
I hadn't counted on
the oil painting of
the cardinals being
gone too...he said
he took them down
when he was "crazy"
and I let him see
the hurt in my eyes.
I should have left
ten minutes earlier
with a mask of bravada
shielding my disappointment,
my very own
telltale heart,
the one that
betrayed me when
I asked it to
hide...but like
a child drawn to
grownup laughter
coming from downstairs
after bedtime, it
peeked around the
corner to see what
his reaction was,
if it was safe
to come out yet.
Go back to sleep,
mischievious heart.
You are still too young
to stay awake.
There are things
that we still
can't understand.
Hush, baby heart.
Go back to sleep.
You are too tender
to be exposed.
