I was so angry,
now so sad.
I can't eat.
My one attempt last night,
going to VOPs and trying
not to throw up,
then finding I was hungry.
They said, "Order anything.
You have to eat"...
so I ordered prime rib,
sat calmly but dazed
for about fifteen minutes.
Then they served it
and the tears started.
I drenched my prime rib
with salty tears until
horseradish sauce ran runny
over the sides of it.
They just kept eating,
passing me kleenexes
and pretending like
I wasn't sitting there
wailing from a
broken heart.
The waitress stayed away.
I went to the bathroom
and lost it all anyways,
twenty dollars worth of
vomiting and diarrhea.
I laid on the bathroom floor
shaking like a leaf in a tornado
because every time I stood,
the room spun around
and I felt like
passing out.
I don't even remember
driving home.
I took sleeping pills
and didn't get up again
for seventeen hours.
I ask myself "why"
and start wailing again.
I got tired of crying
in my darkened room,
so I went outside.
The sun blinded me
but made me feel better
for about five minutes...
until sobs shook my body,
got the dog next door barking,
and I ran back to my room.
