I need someone to take care of me. I need someone to take me home.
I don't understand this. I hurt so bad right now and feel so alone.
I wasn't going to go to work but I don't want to face the night alone~I barely got through last night. I am in so much pain.
He is not sane~not in his right mind~the sane Rich is so loving and so fun and he pulls my whole world together~takes care of me and the kids and gives me a reason for living...I never feel more alive.
I know that no one understands this~I don't understand it. I don't want anything in my life to be a "book"...All I want is something normal...I don't want something to write about. I want a boring uneventful life. I keep waiting for him to become sane again and for this to be some kind of nightmare we look back upon. I can't say I'll let it go for sure because right now I feel as if someone punched a big gaping hole through my center that I am desperate to have fixed.
This can't be happening. It's not real. I can't tell any of my family about this because they won't understand. I can't have just loved a man for 2 years to have it end like this~something has to be fixed. It can't be over~not like this. If I didn't have 2 kids to take care of, I'd check myself into a mental hospital for intense therapy to have a nice long mental breakdown and try to make some sense of things~but I can't.
I don't know what to do or feel or how I'm going to make it through the next 60 seconds...let alone make any major decisions.
God, why does life has to hurt so bad?
I'm a good loving person...why am I being tested? Why is it always me?
I am in so much pain.
Somebody, take me home.
