The dreams I had were like drips of blood falling over a cliff
Falling forever before a sudden impact
Watching the blood fall into the abyss below
Feeling the taste of blood upon my breath
I realized I was dreaming of death
I awoke to find my chest and face covered in blood
I had an operation a few days before on my nose
I was told if it started to bleed to go to a hospital
Non-stop it poured drips of blood
Panic sets in, and fear
fear has a colour I now know
It is white, a bright ashen white
My face had gone a pale shade of winter
Running into the bathroom I catch a glimpse of the midnight hour
Water runs from taps like the blood from my nose
My pain is riddled with fear
Head pounding, stomach sick with bloods aroma
Brother asleep with his girlfriend
Mum asleep down stairs
But I am not coping, not coping at all
My hands resembling a murderer
I go downstairs to the bathroom and call for mum
And like the angel she is, she appears
And sits me down, and attends to my nosebleed
Reassuring me telling me not to panic
Telling me when I was little boy the nosebleeds I used to have
I feel like a boy now
A scared, very frightened little boy
knowing that everything will be ok now cause mums here
Time went slowly, but the blood eased, as did my fear
I returned to my bed
To Dream about a drips of blood.
This poem was written in 2005, shortly after we found out mum had cancer. My operation i had on my nose was only several months before that ill fated day, when the Dr sat us down in this small room in the hospital and told us, that mum didn't have long to live. But tis poem written when i was 30yrs ld. shows the relationship me and my mum still had. To this very day she is only one who could guide me. " yrs on and i look back at the path i have so very badly drifted from..Don;t worry mum, i am steadly walking back to the straight and narrow..and thanks for looking after my nosebleed, that night..wherever you are, i love you, you know that..:)
