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I'm Sitting Here Tonight In Agony…


I am you know, in pure agony,
With this blasted spine of mine!
Every time I try to do something,
I end up never feeling fine!
Now tonight for instance, let me see,
I decided to have bacon on bread,
But I ended up with no bacon,
Just bread and butter instead!
You see, I can't explain this pain of mine,
It's just out of sight, and blow's my mind!
The agony I bear every day of the year,
Well, it's getting harder to cope, I find!
I can't explain the depth of pain,
I'm afraid that's impossible to do,
All I know for certain is…
Every minute its agony that I go through!

And though I try my best to hide it,
Lately, it just doesn't work that way,
Because this spine of mine won't hold me up!
And lately it's getting worse by the day!
So I went into the kitchen…
And cut the bread and buttered it too,
But by the time I had done that…
Excruciating pain was coming through.
So I had to lie this back down quick,
For if I don't I tend to pass out…
Because yes, that's how bad the pain is,
Of that there is no doubt!
I tell myself its fine, but of course I lie!
And that yes, it's cool, I'm ok,
But every time it pains some more,
I dread awakening to every new day!

I never look to the future…I can't!
Because God, that scares me so…
I can barely get through the day most times,
And I just never know which way it will go!
On the decline, that's what it is,
And can they help me, anyone out there?
No, they can't all they do…
Is say, ‘Catherine, it isn't fair!'
Well I don't need their pity, no way!
Its help that I need, for the pain!
I need to know there is a way for me…
To help relieve this before I go insane!
I can't describe this pain of mine,
But trust me - it's as bad as it can be!
And I need help to get me through life!
But there is none, and I'm struggling you see!!!
Can anyone, is there anyone out there…?
That can offer me hope of release?
And make my life a little easier,
By giving this pain of mine release!

Why can't they take this pain away?
And why can't they make a new spine!
It seems to me they can do every thing else!
But not for me…no, not for mine…
I'm as tough as old boots you know!
And I rare complain or cry or moan,
But dear God, help me to get through the day…
For I feel like I'm struggling all alone!
In this day and age, you would think…
That there would be a cure for me…
Yet all I have is pain medication…
There is nothing else, relief is not to be!
So I'm sitting here after crying alone,
The pain so totally out of sight…
I need relief, I need a cure…
I need help to get me through this night!

But there is none, how can that be?
How can I be left like I am, in this pain?
Surely there must be someone out there…
Who can help me before I go insane!!!
There are no words to describe this pain,
And honest to God, this is so true…
If it was measured on a Richter scale!
Well, a Richter scale just wouldn't do!
There is no way of measuring it,
No way of me letting you know…
Just how hard it is to get through the day…
Hell!!!  I just want this pain to go!!!!
Nothing they can do for me,
I've heard it over and again,
Its; ‘I'm really and truly sorry…
There's nothing we can do for your pain…'

So here I am in my late 40's…
And as knackered as can be,
Why oh why, oh why is it…
That no-one can ever help me?
So I plod on the best way I can…
And try and deal with the pain…
And deal with it I do, but I tell you true…
I need help before I go totally insane!!!
A miracle, that's what is needed,
And God help me, I wish it was true…
That some divine intervention…
Would help me – carry me through…
But there isn't and no one cares,
The medical people all tell me the same…
‘Sorry but nothing at all can be done,'
You have to live with your pain!'
Is that fair?  Do you think so?
Well, for me, it's sure the hell not!
But as I always tell myself, ‘Catherine…
You are stuck with what you've got!'

Nice Isn't It…

Self pity I hear you say to yourself?

Nope, this is my therapy! Write it out, eke it out…

And feel better for doing it! Because…

All I have to depend on…is me…


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