Smile

I can just about manage the days,
But the nights are a different matter,
It's like an illness burning inside my mind,
Showing no signs of getting better,
I am depressed...(what a word!)
It sounds the opposite of what it means,
As if undone, set free if you like,
Like everything, it is not as it seems,
I know how I got here,
But no-one else can see,
They are the ones who see the glass half full,
The exact opposite of me,
They can't understand that it was how my life's been,
From the very day I was born,
Don't get me wrong I was a happy kid,
But something inside was scorned,
You could guarantee every time I smiled,
When I thought I had it all,
That my happiness would be crushed,
By an emotional cannon ball,
Whether by a parental domestic,
A life taken away,
All the sadness would come flowing back,
The smile could not stay,
I think that's why I can no longer smile,
Not a really meaningful smile anyway,
I'm afraid that something,
Will take it all away,
I can produce fake smiles,
But inside is so much pain,
But at least I'm sure that when I see you smile,
I will really smile again!

For my Antony xxx

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