Oooooer, Ellis!

Ooooer, you little tinker,
You are a busy bod…
You're off and on my web like a yo-yo,
In-between writing about our God…

You wanted to know if I am a wiz…
On these computer wotsits here!
Well, now let me think a bit…
Cos me mind just aint that clear!

Mmm, now then, ok let's start,
First we have a screen...
And that attaches to a port,
If you know what I mean!

Now the ports are in the tower,
(The computer, not Notradam)!
And inside that are bits and bobs,
And everything's set to plan!

The cable on the monitor, well,
It goes into the tower back,
And inside the back of the tower,
The cable needs some slack!

Then of course there's the keyboard,
(On the computer, not the music kind)!
And the lead from there, once again…
The port for it - you must find!

Now take this as a hint Dear…
The towers ‘always' inside it's case,
Just ‘incase' you forget…
Tie a knot in your shoe-lace!

For that's what we do over here,
When the memory starts to go,
The only problem there is,
Your shoes would look a show!

Where was I? Oh yes, the keyboard,
Well that was easy to find!
It's the long thing with the alphabet on,
(But not the school kid's kind)!

Next we move to the mouse,
(Not the roving kind)! Oh Ell,
They scare the daylights outa me!
I think I'm having a spell!

Not a witches spell though,
It's really just a faint...
You know, the 'pass out' kind,
Not a goblins, ghoulish paint!

Put the mouse's tail in the port,
In the back of the tower,
But remember well Dear…
The electricity surges by the hour!

Now we move onto the speakers,
That's the things that make the sound,
(Inside the computer don't forget),
For that's always where they're found!

Mmmm, next there's the modem,
You know the telephone...!
(Not literally, if you know what I mean)!
Cos everyone will moan!

So it has to be broadband,
So the phone line aint tied up!
(In the working sense of the word)!
You silly little pup!

So put the modem in the tower,
(The box with the little tray's)!
And stick the port in the wosit,
Then you can enjoy your computer days!

Oooop's, its got a thingy, CD...
It goes inside them little trays!
Oh cor blimey and sugar plumbs,
These CD's are all the rage!

(Not road rage, Dear)!
More, all the music hype and hit!
And when thats done...woweee
That should be about - it!

Oh, oooop's-a-daisy!
We forgot one important thing…
The microphone, for the speakers,
So we can hear you when you sing!

Now once all that is done,
Then the software must you add!
(Not the material kind though)!
Cos your comp would look real sad!

You can't put seat covers on the comp,
Cos it wouldn't be able to breathe,
(Not in the physical sense though)!
But no matter, my words please heed!

Now all that is all connected,
Don't be harsh or the comp you'll harm!
And the ram, what have you got?
(Not the kind in the farm)!

Now, the processor, graphics and pixels,
Meggabytes and gigabytes too!
What are your specifications Dear?
What rubbish did they sell to you?

Now all in all I think it's sorted,
So now to test it out!
But, oh Dear, please refrain…
From blowing the fuses out!

So then what do you say to that?
Do you think I know my stuff?
By the way, give me a call…
If you ever need a computer buff!!!

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