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Idol Gossip

I was standing by the bar
Enjoying a pint on my own;
But you know how it goes
And I was not long on my own.

He said his name was Herbert Burton
And he only just recently popped in
For a quick pint of real ale
And half a gallon of gin.
I knew I should have ignored him
Until he went away
But they always seem to know
I'll listen to what they say.

I'm fully prepared for Wednesday week
He said, with dignified aplomb,
Have you made your plans
For when they test the bomb.
I must have shown some perturbation
For he moved his stool quite near
And on pretence of checking my tie
Beerily whispered in my ear;

Haven't you heard, he said,  
It's in the Millennium Dome
And it's controlled from the Vatican
There in the heart of Rome;
And when they press the button
We'll just hear a loud pop
Then civilisation as we know it
Will suddenly certainly stop.

And we'll all become believers,
Yes I know it sounds odd'
But come next Wednesday mate
You'll be on your knees to a God.
They're all in it together you know
Christians, Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus and Jews
And every other sect no matter
What their religious views

So long as they worship a deity
No matter what form
They've all got together and agreed
There aint no standard or norm
It seems to be my role in life
Is to be the ear of fools
So I quickly finished up
And slid off of my stool

He shook my hand warmly
Said thanks for being here
And if I've got it wrong
On Thursday I'll buy the beer.

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