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A Battle With Lupus: Tiffany's Story


At times
I feel so alone
No one wants to listen
They become deaf with no ears
Who can I talk to
No one fully understands
They do not want to comprehend my situation
Do you blame them
I don't & can't
Every morning I wish
To awaken from a long-running dream
I am already awake
This is a hard-core reality
I am so sick & tired of being sick & tired
Why me
Why did I have to be the one to get Lupus
Even if I had to have it
Why did it hit me so hard
One day I feel pretty good
Next day I hurt severely
Such a dreaded disease
If it isn't the illness that gets me down
It's the medications
I could fight to win my battle
My mind is growing weary
Body getting weaker

At times
I feel so alone
Can I just scream
Just to have my voice heard
Why bring them into my pain
Heaven can only grant serenity
God with strength
No one with answers
My faith ceases to exist
This battle is the struggle of my life
If I give up
Then what
I become a total let down
Failure
Worse of all
Incapable of fulfilling my dreams
Why me
Why not me
I had just begun to live
A great career that made me whole
That was more than a year ago
My career kept me going
Like lungs are for breathing
My career in Nursing
Was my air
Transiting from caring for others
To needing care for

At times
I feel so alone
Tears often wet my face & pillow
My eyes swell with grief
What can I do
What will make me better
My mind fills with constant worry
Fear of the unknown
Such a sinful thing
I am scared to death
Scared of what is going to happen
What has happened
What is happening
Who will lend their deaf ears
Strong shoulders
Caring heart
To ease my pain
Soothe my heart
Dry my tears
Lupus
A powerful & painful disease
Not clearly understood
Often leaving
Unanswered questions & changing lives
Forever




23 January 2002
By Skandlouswrds











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