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At Sweet 79 And At 82…!


...For My Aunty Betty At 82...

At sweet 79 and at 82…!
Oh cor blimey what a to-do!
Off they went for a little walk about…
Then they got plastered, of that don't doubt!
Yes two old ladies went to the pub alone,
And stayed out for hours, not coming home!
So off my cousin went to find them true!
Oh cor blimey, what a to-do!

He found them sitting and shouting…
While the bar staff tried to throw them out,
But they weren't gona budge, oh no!
Of that there was no doubt!
So two sweet ladies, so refined,
Were rolling all over the floor!
Couldn't stand up, as drunk as a skunk!
And shouting out for more!

“How many have they had?” My cousin asked,
“What on earth have they been drinking here?”
For all over the floor was a terrible mess!
It was soaking wet with beer!
He got them both up, with difficulty,
What a nightmare it turned out to be!
Trying to hold on to two drunken ladies,
Oh what a sight to see!

He carried them out because they couldn't walk,
And set them inside his van!
To take them home, and put them to bed,
As only a lovely, caring son can!
But when he took Bett, his mom to her room,
And settled her into her bed,
She was calm, and so serene,
He stood in shock and shook his head!

Neat whisky is what they'd drunk,
All day long and into the night!
Totally plastered, rotten drunk,
Oh what a funny sight!!
Suddenly, crash bang wallop!
And out shot a grea painful cry!
And there she was, lying on the floor!
She couldn't get up and wondered why!

He ran to the phone dialed 999…
“Quick please, we need your service!
Me mothers had an awful fall,
And I'm feeling rather nervous!”
And as he gives the information out,
A voice rang out like a bell!
“Get me up off this floor!' She screamed!
And blimey she gave him hell!!

Not wanting to cause a flurry,
She boldly said she had no pain!
So he apologized to the operator,
For he felt so full of shame!
Cos in the background during the call,
All who could hear would hear her say;
”Don't you dare get me an ambulance?
Because I'm really fine, it's all ok!”

She spent a week and a half in bed!
Trying to ease her pain and woe…
In so much agony, it had to be said!
And that alcohol has to go!
They'd had no alcohol in the house,
So she'd trundled to the shop…
And bought a bottle of gin!
And then they drank until they'd drop!

And then decided to go to the pub,
At sweet 71 and At 82!
And once again got plastered!
Oh what a fine to-do!
But never mind, no worries,
Cos Ritchie would see her right!
Cos after all, when said and done!
Her drinking's so out of sight!

At Sweet 79 And At 82…!


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