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My Soliloquy's Testimony


Life has many altering aspects
One day you are on Cloud 9
Then next
You are hitting rock bottom
It's easy to live a perfect life
So you THINK
Nothing is ever guaranteed
I had just begun to turn my life around
Maturity had finally knocked on my door
Independence had opened opportunity's door
I had found my true love in life
NURSING
This was my life's true calling
Taking care of people that couldn't help themselves
I worked endlessly
Day in
Day out
There was no time for myself
My patients came first & I second
If at all
This was going to be my life
Perpetually
Then out of the blue
EVERYTHING changed
I went from caring for others
To needing care for myself
No one could figure out what was wrong with me
A month passed by
Then taadaa!!!!!!
There was a diagnosis
LUPUS
Now how could that have happened
How could I have such a dreaded disease
A disease that is SO puzzling
Even to doctors
So many thoughts fluttered in my mind
I didn't know what to think
How to think
WHY ME????!!!!!
WHY ME?????!!!!!
Here I am
Young, energetic & always smiling
Now I am the total opposite
LUPUS has taken its toll on my body
I constantly wonder when will it be over
WHEN
Will I awaken from this HELLISH nightmare
That's when reality comes to light
I am NOT dreaming
This is REAL
How BAD is it going to get
Or
Can it get any worse
It can & it will
LUPUS
Has broken me completely down
It imprisons my entire outlook on life
So many days have gone by
Where I wish I could DIE
The physical, mental & emotional PAIN
Engulfs me in its entirety
I think of nothing positive anymore
My faith DIMINISHED
I don't know who or what to believe
Everything is just GONE
MY LIFE
MY VITALITY
MY CHARISMA
Everything
It just seems hopeless at times
My family is my ventilator
WITHOUT them
I couldn't have gotten this far
A long road to recovery is ahead of me
Maybe it is a promising outcome
Who knows
LIFE
Is full of things that we can never prepare for
One day you are on Cloud 9
Then next
You are hitting rock bottom
It's easy to live a perfect life
So you THINK
Nothing is ever guaranteed
My Soliloquy's Testimony


27 January 2001
By Skandlouswrds








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