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The Value of One Life
There it was
A book
I had never dreamed of being able to see
But my mother
And her mother
Had prayed everyday
That I might
It was a simple book
It had a plain black cover
Nothing really special about it
From the outside
It looked just like all the others on the desk
But of all the books
That were kept in this office
This one was the hardest to understand
The first few pages were faded
Scratchings barely visible
Ink that had been faded by time
Pages that were worn by use
I think it was the fifteenth page
Where the writing became clearer
And by the twentieth page
I could read no more
Each page was laid out in columns
Each page had several lines
Each line started with a date
But from then on
Each page told a different story
Each one
Held its own shame
Page fifteen
Line one
Sept 13th, 1825
Mary
25 years
American Mulatress
$900
Page fifteen
Line two
Sept. 20th, 1825
Anna
45 years
Negress
Laundress
$900
Page fifteen
Line three
Oct. 1st, 1825
Rosie
30 years
With her two children
Nicholas (3)
Celeste (10 mos.)
Estimated together
$1000
I had to turn the page
These were the house slaves
We had never made it there
Half way through the book there was a marker
“Field Slaves”
Was all it said
Here was what I was looking for
Page forty-five
Line 1
July 4th, 1811
Toby
60 years
Creole Negro (sickly)
$25
Page forty-five
Line two
August 1st, 1811
Albert
25 years
American Negro
$800
Page forty-five
Line three
August 15th, 1811
Helene
12 years
Little Negress
$400
I had to stop and breathe
The salt from my tears burned my eyes
I wiped my face
Took a deep breath
And turned the page
Page forty-six
Line one
Dec. 7th, 1811
Cesar
12 years
Little Negro
$500
Page forty-six
Line two
Dec.25th, 1811
Marie
69 years
(Cook for the Negroes)
$50
Page forty-six
Line three
Jan. 10th, 1812
Louisa
15 years
Creole Negress
$25
Page forty-six
Line four
March 1st, 1812
Emelia
30 years
American Mulatress
& her two children
Pauline (5 years)
Nancy (3 years)
Estimated together
$900
I looked through the pages
Read each and every name
There were hundreds
Some checked
“Deceased”
Others marked
“Sold”
Each line a different person
Each line a different life
Each held a story in and of itself
I turned to the back of the book
The last few pages were empty
A few had been torn away
The jagged edges a reminder
Of the anger
Or maybe desperation
That removed them
I scanned the few pages towards the end
With anticipation
I digested each and every line
With a purpose
Finally it was there
What I had been searching for all this time
Page ninety-seven
Line fifteen
Oct.15th, 1847
Marie
25 years
& her son
Adam (3 years)
Estimated together
I stopped
No
It had to be there
The tears were too much to hold back
I fell to my knees shaking
The book still grasped tightly in my hands
At the end of the line
At the edge of the page
There was nothing
I had searched so long
Risked so much to be here
And still I had to leave
As I had come in
Still wondering
How much it was
That I was worth
Ed Roberts
4-28-05
(Names, descriptions, and dollar amounts taken
from a document filed in Louisiana in 1846)
Can anyone ever really know the true value of another?
If there were such a book that would contain my name
I often wonder what dollar amount
would appear at the end of the line?
What about my children's?
A book
I had never dreamed of being able to see
But my mother
And her mother
Had prayed everyday
That I might
It was a simple book
It had a plain black cover
Nothing really special about it
From the outside
It looked just like all the others on the desk
But of all the books
That were kept in this office
This one was the hardest to understand
The first few pages were faded
Scratchings barely visible
Ink that had been faded by time
Pages that were worn by use
I think it was the fifteenth page
Where the writing became clearer
And by the twentieth page
I could read no more
Each page was laid out in columns
Each page had several lines
Each line started with a date
But from then on
Each page told a different story
Each one
Held its own shame
Page fifteen
Line one
Sept 13th, 1825
Mary
25 years
American Mulatress
$900
Page fifteen
Line two
Sept. 20th, 1825
Anna
45 years
Negress
Laundress
$900
Page fifteen
Line three
Oct. 1st, 1825
Rosie
30 years
With her two children
Nicholas (3)
Celeste (10 mos.)
Estimated together
$1000
I had to turn the page
These were the house slaves
We had never made it there
Half way through the book there was a marker
“Field Slaves”
Was all it said
Here was what I was looking for
Page forty-five
Line 1
July 4th, 1811
Toby
60 years
Creole Negro (sickly)
$25
Page forty-five
Line two
August 1st, 1811
Albert
25 years
American Negro
$800
Page forty-five
Line three
August 15th, 1811
Helene
12 years
Little Negress
$400
I had to stop and breathe
The salt from my tears burned my eyes
I wiped my face
Took a deep breath
And turned the page
Page forty-six
Line one
Dec. 7th, 1811
Cesar
12 years
Little Negro
$500
Page forty-six
Line two
Dec.25th, 1811
Marie
69 years
(Cook for the Negroes)
$50
Page forty-six
Line three
Jan. 10th, 1812
Louisa
15 years
Creole Negress
$25
Page forty-six
Line four
March 1st, 1812
Emelia
30 years
American Mulatress
& her two children
Pauline (5 years)
Nancy (3 years)
Estimated together
$900
I looked through the pages
Read each and every name
There were hundreds
Some checked
“Deceased”
Others marked
“Sold”
Each line a different person
Each line a different life
Each held a story in and of itself
I turned to the back of the book
The last few pages were empty
A few had been torn away
The jagged edges a reminder
Of the anger
Or maybe desperation
That removed them
I scanned the few pages towards the end
With anticipation
I digested each and every line
With a purpose
Finally it was there
What I had been searching for all this time
Page ninety-seven
Line fifteen
Oct.15th, 1847
Marie
25 years
& her son
Adam (3 years)
Estimated together
I stopped
No
It had to be there
The tears were too much to hold back
I fell to my knees shaking
The book still grasped tightly in my hands
At the end of the line
At the edge of the page
There was nothing
I had searched so long
Risked so much to be here
And still I had to leave
As I had come in
Still wondering
How much it was
That I was worth
Ed Roberts
4-28-05
(Names, descriptions, and dollar amounts taken
from a document filed in Louisiana in 1846)
Can anyone ever really know the true value of another?
If there were such a book that would contain my name
I often wonder what dollar amount
would appear at the end of the line?
What about my children's?
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The Value of One Life
The Value of One Life