I am drawn to the neon magnet
I know that I will be accepted there,or will I?
I find a stool and order my poison
Two glasses later I still feel, I hate feeling,
Hey get me a shot! Be generous bartender
My lips finally start to buzz the music gets louder
Still not enough, give me another
Trying to forget the damage I have already done
Fighting hard against myself to smile
Still not enough get me more right now
It's getting late can I sneak in at home yet?
Sure I'll go outback to get high this booze isn't doing the job
Still not enough, hey you're kind of cute.
I hate my life but I like it here you guys don't judge
Those of you that do I don't respect anyway
What's that? I'm not bad either?
Want to do a shot? Want to get high?
My head is spinning, she is warm, the coke is bitter, the shots are sweet and the beer is cold. I hate what I'm doing how does it stop?
I am my alter ego tonight, this isn't the real me...is it?
I'm too far gone at least she doesn't know.
If I can sleep this off and behave tomorrow I'll never have to feel this way again. She loves me and someday that will be enough.
She just doesn't understand, There is too much pressure in the real world, I deserve this why can't she see? If she only knew she would tell me it's alright, not to be scared.
She says she loves me no matter what, is this the truth.
She finally finds me out, she tells me I'm ugly , I'm a monster, and I have ruined it all. Did I really? Do I have that power? I'm feeling cornered and angry again, trying to catch my breath. this is my greatest fear that if she really knew she wouldn't be able to love me. She says I ruined everything..
Funny I don't feel that strong...
I am not that big...
Booze,drugs, music, sex
are these the defining factors of my life?
I hope not, there must be a better way
Why am I still afraid
