Sometimes I feel I've been cast from the graces of God. And when you see me smile, it's all a facade.
With a past full of pain, torment, & depression, it feels to me I'm being taught a lesson. So I stay on guard, thoughts come hard, emotions barred, heart scarred & through it all I pray to God, but no answer and day-by-day, I see myself going astray-. Cause now I see what's going on & I'm so f*#ked up it keeps going on. Meanwhile I'm holding on, but it's no use cause my grip is gone.
It's hard as hell to just get by & to handle my stress, I just get high, but in that haze I see no solution. I've filled my body with this pollution and still arrive at no conclusion. Best thing's to face it with a clear head. At least I wont be locked up or dead.
Still I pray, not only to God, but the Father. Hoping he can take me farther. It seems like things will only get harder. Can't help but worry about my son & daughter, what social bracket they'll become part of, will it treat them better than it did their father?
My mind & body have become impure, but I'm a good man I know this for sure, but my family life wont be secure without you Father, I know this for sure.
It hurts me Father to feel you're gone, to feel that I've been frowned upon. I see the way my life is going, down hill fast with no sign of slowing. With my problems constantly growing it wont be hard to keep this flowing. The contents of my soul I'm pouring, just so I can complete this poem.
I need you Father & more than your guidance and yet still I'm answered in silence.
I know what I do is not up to you, but now I don't know what to do.
I know this though, I can't give up. Things may knock me down but I must get up and not let these challenges interrupt.
Easy to say; harder to do, when you feel your life is already through.
I'm so confused Father, now what do I do?