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It Was Only A Weak Moment!


It's 3am, I'm sitting here, feeling sad and blue,
A little scared, I admit, and I don't know what to do!
You see, I've a problem, and it's so upsetting me,
And I've cried all night, I'm a little afraid you see!
I always put a brave front on and yes, I do quite well,
But tonight it's a little difficult; I guess you can sorta tell!
Every time I go for a hospital check up, yep, it's the same;
Bad news, bad news, all the time, over and over again!

But I wasn't prepared for the news, and I am so upset,
It's really hit the fan, and I'm stuck with what I get!
Kidney transplant, dialysis, yep, I can deal with that,
But this other flippin' problem has almost knocked me flat!
How can I keep on fighting on like I do each day?
When the sh*t always hits the fan!!  Cos no, it's not ok!
You see I am having a really bad glitch tonight,
It's scared me witless and I've had a big fright!

How do I cope with the fear, how?  Do you know?
Cos trust me, I thought down that road I couldn't go!
I have taken the bad all of my life and more,
Now I'm floundering, I've to go through another door!
But the result of this is scaring me so very much,
That I need a little help, I need a crutch!
Is it allowed?  This thing I find inside of me?
This ache in my heart, and the tears I see;

I went into panic mode and scared the hell out of me,
So blinded by tears and fear, fear was all I could see!
I have cried an ocean of tears here tonight,
Full of self pity and full of pure fright!
I didn't know what to do, or were the hell to begin,
For this is another harsh battle that I need to win!
But the road I'm now on is a little rocky to walk,
And up ahead, there's a very sharp fork!

To go to the left fork is to run away and hide,
To go to the right fork, is to face this fear with pride!
I am floundering in a sea of tears and pain,
Wondering if I can win this battle again!
My head is battered; I don't know what to do!
All I feel at the moment is the fear omitting through!
I have done so well all through my bad health,
Even though it is not an abundance of wealth!

For the health is bad, to say the least, cos you see,
Every thing's battered and falling apart inside me!
But I've fought the fight and fought it hard and won,
Every time I get through, I think it's sorted and done!
But then another gauntlet is thrown my way!
And I have to fight the fight on yet another day!
So I began to panic and flounder about,
You see, I'm full of fear and have much doubt!

Then my friend got really angry and mad at me!
Said I was so wrong for what I was thinking you see!
But the fear and dread within this heart so true,
Is filling me with fear and making my heart so blue!
I am ashamed to say it, I've made him so sad,
I've scared and upset him, and I've hurt him so bad
So shocked at my attitude of total defeat!
He can't believe any problem I wouldn't ever beat!

But this problem to me is a mega trial, I have to say,
And I didn't know if I could make it this day!
But I have cried an ocean of tears here this night,
Trying to come to terms with it and get my head right!
So I sit here this morning, so sad and heart-sore,
Not because of the health, but for my friend I adore.
I hurt his heart and scared him these last hours gone,
By what I had said, and what I wanted to be done!

Then he left me, and could no longer stay by my side,
He said I had to face this, and face it with pride!
And do what I do best, and that's battle on through,
Stand the test of time, and do what I have to do!
And on reflection, I know what I most want in life,
Is to face this fear that cuts me up life a knife!
For if I concede, he will leave my life forever,
But I can't let that be, can't lose him not ever!!

So I sit here this morning after 3am this day,
And raise my eyes to the skies, and reverently pray,
And ask for the strength to help carry me through,
And face it head on, and do what I have to do!
For I wont lose this friend, not no-how, not no-way!
Because he's in my life forever, and forever he'll stay!
But only if I stand firm and fight this fight!
As long as I do he won't leave my life and take flight!

I'd rather face this dragon ten fold more, you see!
Than lose this man from my life, for I can't let that be!
So I pulled myself up sharp, and told myself true;
'Catherine, you do what ever it takes for you to do!'
So I sat and dried my tears, for the very last time,
And I'll face it head on, and make sure I do fine!
For rather I'd face this dragon every day of my life,
Than lose his heart and cause him such strife!

So here I am once again, prepared for the fight!
And may God look kindly upon me this night.
For I need all the help and support that I can get!
To deal with the fight ahead, that hasn't begun yet!
Head together, all sorted, and now I'll face my fear!
For now I am focused and my mind is more clear!

I'll hang my head in shame; for the hurt that I caused him
And make this vow, this promise - Which is; once more I'll win!!!

…It Is Allowed...

…Because...

It Was Only A Weak Moment!

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