Beautiful Disaster

Searching, Searching

Sitting there alone
On those wooden steps
Eyes tear-stained
Red from crying
Laid down
Tired of trying
Held back the emotions
That longed to be free for so long
Hair sprawled across the mulch
Looking up into the stars
Thoughts fly through her head
Her body remains still
Searching for comforting thoughts
Searching..searching

He yelled at her again tonight
She knows he loves her
But it still hurts
She remembers what all the words were
Words that meant nothing to him
Slash through her like a knife
Destructive
Does he not know what he says and does effects her life
She hangs with her friends
And lashes out
Yelling and screaming
She sees she is headed down a very familiar route
She runs to her room
Shuts herself away from the world
Looks deep within her self
Searching..searching      

She is trying to do good
Criticizing her daughter for what she eats
Doesn't want her baby girl to get hurt
By being victim of cruel name-calling
She shows abundant love
Which her daughter tries to imitate
But her daughter feels she has failed her mother
By not being the perfect daughter
She knows her mother loves her
But feels her mother wished for something more
But all she can give is what she is
But she continues the journey to find this "perfect daughter"
Searching..searching

He did it again
Screwed up her life
Does he know the way he effects her
Should it effect her?
He keeps slipping up
The pain of past slips reflects in her life
He wants to know why she is so stressed
Him
He wants to know why she does so good in school, but has no life outside of that
Him
He wants to know why she is such a goody-too-shoes
Him                                
And it pains her to know
He has no idea
Why can't he see
How frustrating it can be
To be hurt
But the pain-giver doesn't know he is causing you the pain
Or what is even worst is that he knows
But won't stop it
Why does he do this
The answer can only be found by
Searching..searching

He is the Ultimate joy of her life
The only one who always has a smile on
He never knows what's going on
Which is probably for the better
With his great big smile
And humorous jokes
He keeps everyone amused
He doesn't know the pains of the past
And is much better for it
This angel from above
Keeps the family together
But what does he have
What is it that makes him who he is
How does he do it
She can only keep
Searching..searching

Oh no not again
Those thoughts were gone
But there back
Here to stay
She was free of him
And his awful curse
But like a love-struck puppy
Has gone back to following him around
She knows everything about him
He hasn't got a clue
When she talks with him she shakes from pure excitement
He hasn't got a clue
He was her only motivation
He hasn't got a clue
How can she get him to see her
And know how she feels about him
The answer is out there if she continues
Searching..searching

All her friends love her death
And would be miserably upset if she were to disappear
Her shopaholic-talkiholic
Popular and blondish friend
Her wise beyond her years
With secrets kept hidden friend
Her crazy, chad-obssesed
Fun-loving friend
Her child hood friend
who know everything about her
And her schooly friends
That she has shared many a laughs
During those boring classes
She has the perfect friends
She is no longer
Searching..searching                     
          
Her escape every Sunday
To her home away from home
Where she can be with her father
And talk to him one on one
She can bring the burdens of her life
The pains and joys she carries
She sacrifices her whole self
And lays it down at his feet
Bringing with her
unanswered questions
Prayers prayed throughout the week
Concerns and joys
She spends her time at his house
Doing his work
Helping children to know him
Reaching out to those who want to know him
Thru various activities
And for those unanswered questions
And Prayers prayed throughout the week
She begins
Searching..searching

Although Schools out for summer
Memories still invade her mind
Sitting in classes
Taking notes
Learning lessons
passing tests
The ole routine that she misses so much
With teachers
Good and Bad
Loads of homework
Everyday
Survived this year
She is anxious about the next year
A big step
From Middle to High
Searching for the strength to be brave
And the courage to press on
Searching..searching

Her thinking time
As she strokes the cool blue waters
Pondering thoughts of the days
Past, present, and future
Warms Up
Pretty easy to do
A couple sets
To work her muscles
Gives her time
To think
Think about school
Home
Friends
God
Love
But also to concentrate
On what she is doing
Go for a new best time
Faster
Reach farther
Done
Warm down to do
This is her secret escape
From everything else
A time for
Searching..searching                    

This life is a never ending journey
And all you can keep doing is
Searching..searching

 




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