I thought writing a poem about my life was absolutly crazy
But then I figured it could turn out to be something really amazing
I figured there had to be a time when I smiled and was happy
Somewher behind the sadness had to be at least one good memory
Let's start from the beginning when I was born into this world
When I arrived in April as a premature baby girl
I looked just like my daddy, his lips, his smile, his eyes
I enjoyed daddy dearly, I enjoyed the bedtime stories at night
I was never really daddy's little girl, it seemed like much less
I believe in my dad's mind I was always second best
Everything seemed great, but only through my toddler years
All of a sudden daddy was someone I began to fear
He would put drugs before anyone and anything
He would use the money on drugs instead of things we need
His temper worsened and he began to be abusive
He would apologize and we'd be too afraid not to forgive
Asking him to stop the drugs made it even worse
Apparently we brought it on ourselves to be treated like dirt
Daddy started to beat mommy when he'd come home at night
He loved to find any reason to start up a fight
All of a sudden the family watched as daddy beat on me
I never understood how I made him so angry
Mom wouldn't stop him because she feared him too
Apparently she thought there was nothing she could do
I really enjoyed the cook-outs when everyone was happy
It was so great when we were a normal family
When daddy wouldn't beat on us or make us cry
You don't realize how fast the good times go by
Soon enough daddy hurt me in the most terrible way
I really hate to think of what happened that very day
Daddy touched me, invaded my privacy, really made me cry
Every day I wonder but can never figure out why
Did he not love me? Did he no longer care?
Why did he suddenly decide to never be there?
At first I thought it was me, that I did something wrong
But then I come to find that he was to blame all along
So I had to make a decision, one that would really change my life
Do I forgive him or make him serve his time?
I would hate to hurt my own father
But apparently I was never really his daughter
He caused me pain I thought I could never feel
I had to realize what he did was real
I hated him for making me hurt so bad
He was now a criminal, no longer my dad
I no longer cared, I knew what I had to do
So I went to the police and I told them the truth
Next time it could be my baby sister or some other little girl
They don't deserve to have that pain involved in their world
But for some reason I became the one to blame
I walked with my head down feeling so ashamed
It's amazing to find my mother chose him over me
apparently I was wrong for calling the cops on family
He hurt me, so why do I have so much pain inside
Why in the world would daddy want to make me really cry
Mom turned her back on me and my oldest brother too
You'd think my oldest brother would help me on what I should do
I gave my mother a chance to turn her life around
But for some reason it was my life that came tumbling down
I try to make things better and then I get all this pain
I tried understanding but no one was willing to explain
I tried forgiving but my family just turned away
They told me they hated me, that I was a big disgrace
Was I not supposed to turn him in for his crime?
Was I supposed to live my life a lie?
was I supposed to let him go on with his life?
Was I supposed to let him think hurting me was right?
What if he were to give it another try?
My father is a criminal, my mother and brother too
They will have to regret the things they put me through
I try not to look back on my past
I'm just glad that it went my so fast
No, my life is not perfect, but perfect has no definition
To me it's just something people try to believe in
Apparently my smile was a place for my pain to hide
But now I smile because I have no pain inside
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