I had my drinking suit I'd brought from Civvy Street
(Tailored for me by Burtons in a fetching lovat green
The first one I'd ever bought after I'd started work)
Not too long before the army came to be my scene.
It was a masterpiece of durability
Surviving many many little do's,
Much of its surface being stained
By misplaced measures of booze
Until it became a sort of ritual,
Such as birthday parties or release,
To try and find, then throw a glass
Over a previously unstained piece.
Now I did my best to keep it clean
And the suit survived very well,
Regularly brushed and pressed,
But did rather have its own smell.
I bought a new one in Holland
Under stress from Elli and Mrs C
It wasn't exactly tailored
But all in all it suited me.
I retired my lovat suit hung carefully away
Knowing I'd wear it again one fitting day.
They threw a tramps ball in the camp one night
Most certainly not my type of place or scene or do
But on my way to Effeld meant passing the gym
And I'd promised to drop in on my way through.
They challenged my costume,
Me being dressed for date
I knew if I had to change
I would have been too late,
So I'd compromised for them
By wearing my lovat green.
Oh saddest of sad sad days
The last time it was ever seen.
They objected to my form of dress
Though I said tramp, gentleman style.
There followed a short discussion
As they let me plead my case a while.
Sadly it was all a subterfuge
‘Cos while this came to pass
They'd fashioned themselves blades
Which they'd made from broken glass.
Sherwin, Rea, Spewey Hugh and more
Lopped one trouser leg below the knee
Then swiftly shortened the other
In the cause and name of symmetry.
Then they killed my jacket
And I lost my tie and a shirt
But it was my suit's demise
That really really hurt.
In the little fracas that followed,
It couldn't really be called a fight,
We were all thrown semi naked
Out in to the night.
Glasby produced a brandy bottle
As we sat on the square,
(For some obscure reason
We'd wandered off there)
And we toasted to the sad fate
Of my celebrated suit
And I never made my date.
There was of course a fairy tale end
How could I not forgive my friends?
As my Marlisse eventually
Completly forgave me
And my Burton suit like an honoured friend
Had such a memorable and spectacular end.