How Can I Ever Know?

I have to go with my gut feeling, you see,
I've had a very hurtful time,
The love of my life; left my life,
And I'm not feeling fine.
Now he left me in 2003 before Xmas,
And oh how I cried and sobbed,
And to this day, I love him still,
Even though my heart was robbed!

He loved me, oh but yes he did,
No matter what anyone say's,
And I will love him and love him still,
And I will until the end of my days.
You can't be as he was with me,
And adore me, and love me true,
You can't be like that, and then walk away;
It can't have been easy to do.

And a conversation 8 weeks before this,
Tells me the reason he gave was true,
And now, today, it is more than confirmed,
And my heart is broken in two.
He had been unwell and suffered so much pain;
His spine was a terrible mess,
And though he never complained to me,
I always knew when his pain was a mess.

You see, you can't hide a pain as he was in,
Trust me; it's impossible to do!
And so, the reason he finally gave me,
Makes me believe that it was true!
8 weeks before he left me he was in pain;
And I told him he should be home with me,
So that I could look after him,
But he wouldn't have that, you see.

I have a few serious health issues,
And he knew I could never look after him,
More, he was the one to look after me,
Argue over that, and I'd never win.
So he said to me this one night;
‘Catherine I'll tell you this true,
If ever need looking after through illness,
I'll leave your life and walk away from you!

I told him he better not do that!
Because I love him, love him true!
And would die if he ever left me!
But he reiterated that's what he'd do.
And then he left me just after that;
He didn't even give me a clue,
And my heart was totally and utterly broken,
I just didn't know what to do!

So I cried and cried and cried each day,
And every night I cried again,
I couldn't lose him and his love;
I was in so much heartache and pain.
He told me they thought he had cancer of the spine,
And I knew it could be true!
Because like I say, his spine was a mess,
God, but I didn't know what to do?

But time went on and tow years later,
Not one word have I ever heard,
And today I find out it may have been true,
And he's now in the spirit world.
My gut instinct told me it was true,
Way back in 2003…
And now more than ever, I have to admit,
It all makes sense to me.

Now once again my heart is sore,
Why did he do this to me?
I love him, I always will,
e should have given me a choice and told me!
But he didn't, and a pain runs deep,
As wide as the big blue sea,
And I will believe, forever more,
That's why he walked away from me.

September 5th 2005

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