In a dozen minutes my first year
Of touching you will be past
You've certainly had your share to hear
Another reason for us not to last

It started with those butterflies
A hand from heaven smooth with love
I swooned thinking of your blue eyes
As my calm sea divine gift of above

God, I adored your whole persona
Physically, I would be right on ya
Trembling for want of you was mine
Constantly excited wondering what we'd find

Now I remember French kisses I'd get lost in
The holiest feeling I've had about men
It was you no thought of another
My affectionate daddy I'd try to smother

With anything I had to give
Because you gave me sun where I could live
Then something happened to our best
Because you denied that we progress

I'd bawl and cry and beg of you
To feel the passion that I do
For you it didn't come about
Thus, I became full of doubt

Today you took your presents there
You're free yet say for me you care
Do you enjoy how I go through
Some crazy days trying to bond with you

First I couldn't turn you on
I felt my female powers gone
It gave me insecurity
The doubts of your fidelity

All the while I felt I had to compete
With one of your old girlfriends whom I've yet to meet
Because you lived with her and you still do
I'll fret my life away for being scorned by you

I loved the lingerie show
I put on for you to know
I'd be any kinda sex goddess you wanted
I had to have you after you haunted

My eyes when I'd see your tall
My ears when your voice I'd recall
I kept it a secret, my poker face
As I'd fantasize we were alone any place

Where one of us could spark a fire
Somehow you'd sense my deep desire
Before the third year rolled by
With me hurrying away scared of you guy

Twelve months have passed, you still leave me afraid
Sweet baby, constantly in silence how I've prayed
For your love to seal my fate
Patiently, impatiently I've had to wait

For you to be all over me
With an assertive sexuality
Until I was begging you for a break
From your lust where you do ache

To be in me strong as steel
To do my lord what you will
Where your will is a command
As I must do what you demand

I float away again on fantasy
The pictures in my mind of us I see
Are romantic, peaceful, bursting with our touch
Not grim reality where I can't have you much

So long apart from you that's all I see
Is doubt and jealousy consuming all of me
Then I wonder what I'm supposed to do
When I don't get enough of you

To go away from you I've tried
Enraged I feel like you've lied
Because of the aura of holiness I feel when we are one
Feeling secure and comforted because of what we've done

Thankful, delighted to serve you any way
If you'll come back to this bed at the end of everyday
A year has passed all wishful thought
You still live with her where I am caught

On a tightrope between ecstasy and agony
Where the ropes loose and could come free
When are you going to leave her house behind
Will it be before I lose my mind.

9/4/2005 0200 cj

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