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Oi! Leave Me Afflictions Alone!!!!



Wow but I was at me mate Jean's,
When suddenly outa the blue!
A woman came right for my throat,
Blimey what a to-do!
She is known as 'she who breathes fire'!
And blimey, that just sums her up!
For she is in everyone's business!
Like an overflowing cup!

She's the biggest gossip that ever walked,
And oh, but the lies she'll tell!
I'm sure when she faces her maker,
She'll be taken straight to hell!
'She who breathes fire' and venom,
Breathes fire every day, noon and night!
And if you don't bloody well believe me,
Come for a coffee at Jean's, and get a fright!

Cos there she'll be, miss innocent,
Spooling out her lies by the score,
‘Oh hells bells and sugar plumbs Jean,
I just can't take no bloody more!'
And oh dear me, what about me!
And me afflictions of plenty I bear!
It seems I use them to my own gain!
And play on them, now that just aint fair!

‘You play on your afflictions!!' She roared,
Oh blimey, but I was gutted!
And I shouted; ‘ Oi, leave me afflictions alone!'
Or she was gona be garrotted!!
She came to my table for an argument,
And I said with a bewildered grin,
‘Take me to task dear, but be sure of this,
An argument with me you'll never win!'

So she ranted and raved while everyone watched,
And made a show of herself, but not me!
And anyway, everyone knows that mad woman!
Cos she's as nutty as nutty can be!
So on and on she ranted and raved,
And called me gobby, yep, that's true!
Well she can talk, her gob's like the Mersey!
And she loves causing a to-do!

So on she went ranting and shouting,
But I had hidden support, oh yes!
The security who all know me well,
And the café girls who are the best!
They were watching her like a hawk,
Ready to pounce on her any second!
Had she raised a finger to me,
Oh, but she was to be reckoned!

'She who breathes fire' would have spat water,
For her fire would extinguish outa sight!
And be led away, for there'd hell to pay!
Cos her temper causes many a fight!!
Now I was waiting my turn,
Cos lets face it, what can I say!
But that woman fights with everyone!
Every single bloody day!!!

Oh and the lies that fall from her lips,
She trips over them all the time,
For to be a liar, you need a good memory,
But she's old, so hers is far from fine!
So then as she flounced away from me,
She turned and looked my way,
And shouted all kinds of things to me,
Oh woe is me, she scared me that day!

She told me if I ever mention her name,
A solicitor's letter I would get!
And of course, I've never had one of those,
So it's a frame for it I will get!
And put it on me wall of fame with pride,
Cos it will sit well with me commendations,
Oh, hang on, aint that detrimental?
A solicitor's letter, oh me PR relations!!!

They have gone out of the window now,
Cos me PR relations are all messed up!
It's a good job I was sitting in Jean's café,
Cos I needed a coffee in a cup!
So then not 10 minutes later,
I am told by security and caretakers alike,
That 'she dragon who breathes fire', reported me
But then she was told to take a hike!

So now 'she who breathes fire' is sad,
Cos she has no friends that she can see,
That's cos she's rowed with all of them!
And so now, its alone she'll be!
I have to add, she has red hair,
And a temper to match it true!
And if you see her, run like hell!
Cos that's about all that you can do!

She told everyone all around her,
That I slandered her name throughout,
Like as if I had time to waste on her!
Hells bells, aint no shadow of a doubt!
Shadow of a doubt that I have a life,
And live that life so true,
And I take a wide berth from dragons,
Well let's face it, wouldn't bloody well you!

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