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Oh Lord What Can I Do?



Oh Lord, what can I do?
I've gotten into a mess you see,
I went to confession to see the priest,
Oh hell, what's wrong with me!
I asked me mother for some coconut,
One bright sunny day…
But me mother said no I couldn't…
So I stole it anyway!

I had coconut all over me sweater,
Oh blimey, what a mess on the floor!
I had to shove it under the table,
Or me mother would give me what-for!
So I got a little bit worried…
Cos I've stolen – oh golly gee!
So I legged it up to church,
As fast as I could be!

And as I sat in the church pew,
I didn't know what I was going to say,
So I decided there was nothing for it,
But to go in that box and pray!
‘Our Father,' I said, behind the curtain,
‘I stole and don't know what to do!
Me mothers gona kill me,
So I thought I'd better come to you!

I need to ask God to forgive me,
Cos I don't really wana go to hell,
You see, I don't wana be burnt alive,
And I don't want no pain as well!
So Mr priest, can you ask for forgiveness,
And while you're there, I need to say,
If I came here to tell you I stole,
Does that cover everything else I do today?

Cos that coconut was really lovely;
And I really want and need to pray…
Cos father, is it still stealing,
If I go home and eat some more today!
Will you ask the Lord fella, to forgive me?
Cos I tried real hard today;
Not to eat no more coconut,
But I did, so now I have to pray?'

I listened real hard, I did,
But I didn't hear no-one speak,
So I lifted up that red curtain,
And had a little peep!
And there sitting on the little seat,
Was the Father fella in his frock!
Fast asleep with a beer in his hand,
And he'd drunk every bloody drop!

So then; can he get that God fella,
To forgive me if he's bad?
Cos I think I really should say it!  
I think that Father's really sad!
So anyway, I went home again,
Not knowing what to do for sure,
And decided to eat that coconut!  
Cos it was still mostly on the floor!

Me mother would see it anyway!  
So I might as well eat the lot!
Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb;
Cos I'm really gona get shot!
Now me mother didn't notice you know!
That I ate that coconut stuff,
But I was ill in bed all night,
Cos I was feeling really rough!

So that night when I went to bed,
I asked that Lord fella if it was ok,
And did He forgive me for my sin,
When I pinched the coconut that day!

Then I felt a big puff of wind on me face,
And golly I got a fright!
And I went sick, and wet the bed,
And prayed to that God fella all flippin' night!

I Said;

‘Our Father up in Heaven,
Can you please just sort this out for me!
And I promise I won't pinch no coconut ever again,
Unless it's off a tree!'

Then I felt that puff of wind again,
And I'd already wet me bed!
So am not pinchin' no more coconut!  
Cos now me bum's all red!

********************************
Hmm, I wonder what my mum will think...
When she reads that her daughter is a thief!!!

Well, lets see, how old was I?

...10...

I would say I was forgiven, what would you say?


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