Beautiful Disaster

This Is To You Mom And Dad

You say you understand
And that you can relate
You tell me the same stories
Only to restate
You tell me that you're ready to listen
And that you want to hear
But deep down your tired of it
And keep wondering why I can't get in gear
I'm not a simple child
I know this is how you feel
I just wish you would stop lying
And start to reveal
But instead you send me to a doctor
Who gives me medication to take
And to a psychologist
Who kinda seems like a fake
You tell me it will get better
It takes some time you say
But what if I can't wait that long
What if I feel its time to pay
I wish you would just listen
To what I keep trying to explain
But you guys just don't have times for this
The boy who cried wolf talking about "pain"
You guys say you know me
I mean I am your daughter after all
If you know me so well
Why aren't you catching me when I fall
Its because you can't see me fall
Because I won't let you know
Because If I show you
You won't ever let me go
So now I have to resort to keeping everything inside
Letting it snowball, into a huge mountain of snow
I do this....
Instead of letting you know
You want to know why
I can't tell you that
Or why I feel
I'm so fat
Because like a lost sheep
I'm wondering around
Trying to find home
But keep falling to the ground
I hear the Lord's voice
Gently calling to me
But then an easier way
I see
I keep trying to follow Him
But what you say seems to contradict
Everything, I've grown to know
Which only causes conflict
I don't know whether to invite you in
Or keep you out for good
I can tell you want to be part of my life
And I think you should
But how can I let you in
If you don't even try to understand
from a fourteen years old girls perspective
What you can do to be a helping hand
You say your gonna keep me safe
Because I'm your child
Safe from what I'm wondering
Things that I do that are wild
What about the things that you do
Or the rest of the world for that matter
Who protects me from those
When I break down and shatter
God does
 I know
But then shouldn't he be in charge
Of what I do to myself also
How many tears am I gonna have to cry
Because of everything to make you realize
Its not fixed with the compare game(all though I have tried)
Or long stories about how you were once my size
It's fix with the opening of listening hearts
And ears would be good too
The occasional talk
Where Instead of me starting it, you do
I guess all I'm asking
Is for a whole lots of second chances
A welcoming warm embrace
An ability to let me take a stance
And last but not least

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