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Lifeline: Postscript

Lifeline: Postscript

I have it on good authority
From a source I don't doubt
Actually my wife's best friend's
Cousin's Auntie let their secret out
You know when you're out shopping
No matter the time of day or night
You turn your back for just a second
And she's away and out of sight
Well apparently in every store
There's an exclusive coffee bar
It's for the ladies only
And that's where they are
All women have this secret
As part of their maturity rites
And these bars are so well hidden
Totally completely utterly out of sight
And there they are gathered
For a relaxing time of day
With shoes off aching feet
And slightly loosened stays
And they watch through one way glass
At us wandering around in despair
As they slowly sip their coffees
In luxuriously cushioned chairs
There's an early warning system
To tell them when to go
To their despairing spouse
Before his temper blows
And he's so pleased to see her
In the hope they'll be away
He gratefully forgets
Another ruined day
If you don't believe this story
If you don't think it's true
And here I must confess
I really really do
(They are sworn to secrecy
Never ever to tell
On threat of when they die
Going to a shopless hell)
How come when you're so hot and bothered
Irritable and sweaty from your search
She arrives back cool and confident
Like a bride just leaving church
I can't disclose their secret
So I accept it with a shrug
But I watch those searching partners
And I do feel rather smug
‘Cos I know
Where all those ladies go

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