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Jack Of All Trades, Master Of None?


Nah, Little Stars Really!

Well I moved into this bungalow,
Wow, lots of space for me to roam!
But the central heating was glitching,
And I was cold in my own home!
So the fella came to sort it out,
But oh hells bells, oh golly gee!
He couldn't get it working,
Oh sugar plumbs and woe is me!
So then along came Tony and Craig,
With their bits and bobs!
Saws, nails, and superglue,
To sort out all me jobs!
Alas the timer wasn't working,
And the heater in my room;
Kept switching off, and made me cold,
It was all doom and gloom!

And one night a banging sound,
Made me fall outa bed with fright!
I thought it was a burglar
And stayed awake all bloody night!
Then I thought I had a 'visitor',
And I nearly ended up dead!
Cos I almost died of fright!
And banged me bloody head!
But as I say, along came the lads;
To sort out all this mess!
And yep, I have to say it,
I think they fixed it, well, I guess…
Cos the timer hasn't been tried,
And the heater on the wall;
Hasn't had time to glitch yet,
But hey, if it does they'll get a call!

Cos there I'll be on the telephone,
Screaming with all my might!
‘Craig and Tony, get you're azz round here,
Cos I'm nearly dead with fright!
All them noises in the radiators;
And the broken light in the bathroom too!
Are causing me such heartache!
And I don't know what to do!
Cos the pull switch in the bathroom broke,
Oh glory, glory be!
The light was switched on forever,
Oh woe is poor little old me!

Then the walls needed plastering,
Cos they were such a mess,
So they slapped all the plaster on,
And now you'd never guess!
So tomorrow their big boss;
Is popping in to see what he can see!
And make sure there are no more problems;
It's efficient he will be!
And tonight I'm turning the heating off,
To see if it comes back on!
And I'll tell you here and now, if it don't,
I won't laugh, cos it aint no fun!
I did tell them a little story,
About some previous problems that I had,
And brought so much attention,
Oh hell, it was oh, so bad!
Cos I'm afraid I don't care about;
Speaking out about a plight!
And anyway, I'm a poet!
And I can write words all ruddy night!

So all them other fellas there,
Gona do all this work in my abode!
Better get their jobs sorted,
Cos me computer's on overload!
Poems for this, poems for that,
Poems all over the place!
Oh yes, but I have to say it,
If it aint fixed, you'll fall from grace!
Cos I really, really, really do,
Just love my words of prose…
And anyway, it's another ‘story'
For my next manuscript I suppose!
So lads, I'm telling you here and now,
Get my heating fixed!
Cos it's causing me palpitations!
And I'm feeling all betwixed!

And I'm really only joking,
Cos they are master of all!
But they better get their skates on!
Cos I'm up the bloody wall!



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