ramblings and things

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disintegration

a collaboration between madpote and shell heller


There's a little grey man and he's sitting in my head
He pulls clouds across the sun to revel in my gloom
rides down darkest rainbeams to make my world sad
fills my waking day with thoughts of impending gloom
and they tempt me oh they tempt me
with their cure for all ills
their chemical cocktail nirvana
in a little yellow pill

i would not mention him but for the way
he holds me to the broken glass of dreams,
throat so close to sharp that blood can feel
the slash and slice through dainty sinew,
if i spill
now, today,
what was
i for?

and my little grey man they say is all in my mind
and he sits and he listens chuckling with high glee
waiting for my moment to surrender to their drugs
that close down my systems to suppress the very me
so my little grey man
can safely hide
and run my life
from there inside

i would not mention him but i hear him laugh,
feel him tearing me from the skin of life,
hear my silence of gods awaiting choice,
taste his rancid breath choking my survival
maybe i should
spill myself
into dark
surrender

Yet I am fighting and I am winning but at a price
And my little grey man patiently sits and schemes
Spinning thoughts of horror for my weakest time
So he can slip them into my conscious tired dreams
I stay awake
So I can keep
My little man
From my sleep

i watch him play the movie of my past life
he shows it truthfully but the lighting is a lie,
there is something i have hidden from him
though he prowls the all of me, like them,
in blindness that will never comprehend
that death
is but a sign
of how
i live

My little grey man is strong and likes the fight
Revels in the anticipation of that predatory thrill
That may one day come if he succeeds to destroy
The uniqueness of the me by breaking its will
Little grey man
You can try
But this me
Won't die



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disintegration