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Eh, A Scouse Teacher?


Eh, is that right then Tom?
You was a teacher in a school?
And all the kids thought you were great!
In fact, I hear that you were cool!
You was born in Bootle, you were!!
In Liverpool, just near the docks;
You hung around with your mates,
But you wasn't no hard knocks!

Cos way back then in the past,
There was no scallies about!
And if there was any there,
I bet you'd knock them out!
And when you was a little lad,
Was you a good kid in school?
Or was you just like me!
And always broke the rule?

I bet you played conkers too!
Cos we did that as well!
But if a kid broke mine up! Well,
I didn't think that was swell!
It took me ages up them trees!
Chucking them down for the kids!
Cos every time I climbed down;
Me kecks would be full of muddy skids!

And it wasn't my fault you know!
Cos I was such a quiet lass,
But me mother always told me;
‘Girl, you've got no class!!'
I think that's cos I wasn't seven;
When I climbed all them trees!
I was, errrm, more like 16;
And always had dirty bloodied knees!

And I fell off the wall one day, yep,
And me muther went really wild!
She said she couldn't cope…
With such an awful messy child!
So I think that's why she sent me off;
To the park just near my street;
With a bottle of water and a jam buttie!
To get me from under her feet!

But I wasn't never under her feet,
Cos I know for sure that I'd know!
Cos I think she'd squash me with her shoes,
Gawd, that muther will have to go!
Tom, what about ollies, did you play them?
Cos I had a king one day!
And golly gee and goodness me!  
I won every game that I'd play!

And there was me skipping rope,
But they are downright last!
I mean to say, I can't use one of them,
I would loose me rep real fast!!
And anyway, I was a good tackler!
No-one took me on!
So I always scored the most goals,
I did, and so I always won!

But I was a pain in the jacksie Tom,
Cos every flippin' day you see!
I'd be sent to me room for fighting;
And go to bed without me tea!!
I think that's really mean though ya know!
Cos like I said before,
I really was the best behaved!  
Well, that was when I was four!

I think I was a scally Tom,
Oh dear me, what a flippin' pain!
But I am born and bred in Liverpool!
So I aint got no shame!!!
Tom, do you remember Connie Onnie?
Who always had some toffee?
It's not really very fair ya know,
Cos she never gave no toffee to me!

So then wot about me punctuaton Tom,
And me grammer too!
Do ya think I'd pass me 11 plus?  
Nar, cos I don't think so - do you?
An is me spellin' Scouse enuff,
Can you read wot I sed?
Or am I gona be in big trubble again,
And get sent off to bed?

Oh, hells bells and sugar plumbs Tom,
I can't be sent to bed!
Cos I'm gona be the big ‘50' this year,
Well, that's what me muther said!
So anyway Tom, what ya think up to now,
Of me poems so far?
Cos ya know, I've got 4,000 more!
In fact, I could fill a car!!!

You know what? As you grew up,
You got funnier by the day!
Made everyone laugh at your jokes!
Cos Tom, they really are ok!
Now you know cos you were a teacher?
Can you do a favour for me?
Will you be me editor?
Cos I only trust Liverpool ones you see!!!

Cos since you are a Scouser too!
I thought it would be a laugh!
If I could say Tom O'Connor was the mate;
Of this mad poet, named Cath!
Cos American's can't talk proper Tom,
They don't understand my humour!
And when they said I was mental,
I said it was a rumour!

So I thought if a Scouser did me grammar;
And  all that stuff for me;
At least they'd edit it right!
Cos we know what we mean don't we!!!
Sometimes I lose the H off the end,
And forget to add me G
Oh well, that's just tough,
Cos I really don't care you see!

Nah, am kiddin', I am verbatim,
I had to look that up you know!
Cos I didn't know what it was,
Well, am only 50 ya know!
I saw you on a boat one time!
Way back in the past,
But the memories never fade away!
Nope, cos they are there to last!

So for now my Liverpool mucker!  
Have a fantastic rest!
Cos Tom, I really gota say it,
You really are the best!!!!
And thanks for all me photo's!
Cos Tom, they turned out great!
And that's dead good, cos
I told everyone that you're my mate!!!

But when you give me your email address!
On that card, oh woe is me;
I could have got your autograph!
But I never thought you see!
So I guess I will have to bide my time,
Until I see you again!
So until then, keep smillin' kid,
And keep working that clever brain!

I guess we're a bit the same you know,
Cos you tell a tale in all you say!
And I tell them in a poem,
Am like this every flippin' day!
So if you ever wana poem kid,
Just give me a shout!
Cos just like that, in minutes,
I can knock them out!

We talk dead good in the ‘pool don't we!!!



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