The Only Way I Can Speak

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 What Can I do?
What do I have to do?
To get attention from you.
I never wanted to fall as far as I have for you,
I never wanted your attention like I crave it now.
Love really hasn't been something anyone has ever gave me true,
Still I believe maybe it found some how.
Why can't I be happy with the things I've got?
Isn't there such thing as true happiness?
Some days I want to think there is not,
Because I have this huge emptiness.
But then I look at you and smile,
Until your look of disgust.
Things really go good for awhile,
Then you refuse me love and/or lust.
I wish I knew what I did to make you look at me that way,
I stay up all night sometimes thinking of ways to be better.
Please reassure me that everything is okay,
And help me to feel like you have thought ‘I should forget her”.
This poem will be something just to get my thoughts out,
And I know you won't ever find time to read.
I wish I knew what your looks of disgust are all about,
You aren't ever ignored,
At least not by me.
I just want you to make me feel adored,
But I guess all I can do is speak free.
Swallow pain that is in small doses,
But it builds up inside.
My emotion door closes,
My broken heart I will hide.

Susanne M Martinez

Over exasperation of my desperation



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