There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile,
He found a crooked sixpence beside a crooked stile,
He bought a crooked cat, which caught a crooked mouse
And they all lived together in a little crooked house

There was a crooked woman who loved the crooked man
To have a crooked wedding became her crooked plan
She cooked him crooked biscuits and crooked scrambled eggs
And chased him round the town on her crooked little legs

She gave him crooked kisses, he gave a crooked squeeze.
She sat her crooked bottom upon his crooked knees
He said "You've won my crooked heart, you crooked little thing.
Let's find a crooked jewellers and buy a crooked ring"

They found a crooked bridesmaid and after quite a search,
They found a crooked vicar, who had a crooked church.
They had a crooked best man who held the crooked ring,
A crooked organ playing, a crooked choir to sing.

A man took crooked photos, the guests said "Crooked cheese!"
Then threw crooked confetti blown by a crooked breeze.
They had a crooked honeymoon in crooked Amsterdam,
And now they're going shopping to buy a crooked pram*.


*I have been asked by a perplexed reader what a pram is. Not only is it a common word in England, there is no other word with which to substitute it. A four-wheeled vehicle for transporting babies, I believe I have heard them referred to in US movies and TV shows as 'baby carriages'. The word pram began as 'perambulator' and was contracted to its present form long ago.  


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