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Electric Shock!


I thought I'd better say a prayer,
And hope my God will help me out!
And sort this electric problem,
Cos I'm having such a doubt!
‘Our Father up in Heaven above;'
Is what I'll start this prayer with today?
‘Can you tell these electric people?
To help me out today!'

Well you see, I just got my bills in,
The gas and electric too!
And then I almost fainted,
And thought I'd better write to you!
You see, I just had a heart attack-
When I opened the bill!
And I have to tell it here and now,
It's made me really ill!

I moved into this little bungalow;
In January just gone,
And ever since it's been a mess!
And it's really not been fun!
Cos you sent me a bill, for now, let me see?
Oh yes, I remember now!
The bill was for about £600-00, for 6 DAYS!!
And I nearly had a cow!

Now I know some people have a brick,
When they get a scare!
But since this was a major one,
A brick's no comparison to compare!
So then were was I?
Oh yes, about this electric bill!
And how it's totally ludicrous!
And why it's made me ill!!!

When I moved into this home,
I thought my life would excel;
And yep, it did, but I have to say,
It's turned into a living hell!
Now the man I spoke to this morning,
A really nice chap I have to say;
Told me that the bill is wrong,
Cos I don't use that much, no way!

I said I don't live in a mansion,
And I only have my telly and light!
And that is why; I reiterated to him,
I got such a flippin' fright!
Now I know we have to pay for things,
But oh golly gosh, oh please!
Can you sort this electric bill out for me,
Cos it's brought me to my knees!

The very nice man on the phone told me,
Not to worry or fret!
Cos he'd tell the right department,
And an amended bill I'd get!
But just in case you send me to jail,
For not paying this silly bill,
I have to say, hand on heart,
I'm still feeling really ill…

I can't go to jail you see,
Cos they may not be accessible for my chair!
And I bet their electric bills are cheaper;
And I don't think that's really fair!
Now my flat in my old home,
Was a big old draughty place to stay!
And I used a lot of electric there,
But that was still a less electric bill to pay!

So now, if I took these windows out,
And used the electric on full wack!
Then I would expect a silly bill like this,
And I wouldn't give you flack!
But as you will see I'm quite perturbed,
And worried and crying out loud,
And begging you please, sort this out for me,
Cos heart attacks aint allowed!

Cos I don't wana die you see, not now,
In my lovely new abode, my home,
But if I can't use my gas and electric,
I'm going in an old age pensioner's home!
Cos I won't have to pay the bills,
Nope, I wouldn't cos I tell you true!
I could have the electric on full belt,
And wouldn't have to pay the money to you!

And although my body's knackered
And in a mess, I have to tell it true!
I aint a pensioner, nope, no way!
But if you scare me again, I say to you;
I would age at least another 50 years,
Oh woe, oh woe is me!
Pleasssse sort my electric bill out!
And send no more electric shocks to me!

And so now my prayers are over,
And all I have to say for now; to you!
Is; ‘please listen to my tale of woe,
Or my God will be upset too!'

Amen!









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