Yes, I feel this pain, I live it,
And with every breath that I take,
I thank my God for this life I have,
Even though my health He did forsake!
And though it's something I accept,
I still have my thoughts in my head,
That though I feel at times it's unfair,
At least I'm here, and not dead!
But when like last night and today,
I am finding it so very hard to get through,
Still I stay focused and strong,
As of course, only I can do!
But all last night as I lay in my bed,
And the pain became un-bearing and bad,
I tried to focus on the positive,
And help me through this night so sad.
For yes, it saddened me this night,
To think things will never change,
For this is my life, my life of strife,
I have lived this way for quite an age.
And though I accept this life I have,
All the pain I have that's so hard to bear,
I tell myself this every day;
I'm not dead, I'm alive, and here!
And I try to stay focused and accept,
All the things in life that come my way,
I have a glitch, in the dark of night,
And admit to my pillow, it's not really ok!
Because as I softly sob into my pillow of tears,
I question the why's in my head,
And the answer I seek, is always the same,
Rather I'm alive - and not dead!
But it's oh, so very hard you know,
To live this life with this pain,
It torments me unmercifully so,
Over and over again!
And as every pay passes into the next,
So my pain passes into another night,
A pain so harsh that only I know…
How bad it is, and how out of sight!
And last night I had a lot of time to think,
Because my pain has gone off the scale,
And I tried to imagine my life ahead,
And it made me rather pale…
Because; though I accept my life as is,
And I'm as strong, and as strong can be,
I'm also only human - as human as you!
But it's dammed bloody hard to be me!
And as I sit in smile when out and about,
And as I sit here typing away…
Oh God, but the pain is so out of sight,
It's a very hard day to face today.
Now my pain has always been bad,
But now it's off the scale, way up high,
And my pain threshold can only take so much,
And that is why at night, alone in bed, I cry…
I had another fall the other week,
And oh how it's caused me such pain,
Because now my pain is tenfold more,
And it's enough to drive me insane!
But I get through it as best I can,
But this is my fear, so great,
How long can I survive this pain?
And what is to become my fate?
Because to live in pain like this,
Oh so harsh a pain, and so great,
It makes me realize I'm not infallible,
And scares me as to my fate!
Then I get to feeling calm again,
And stop getting into a panic!
Cos at the end of the day, all that does,
Is cause me a fear so manic!
Yes, I feel this pain, I live it,
And there is no way on this earth;
That I could ever convey the depth,
Of this very pain I am meant to birth.
Because I can't…not even to me!
But yes, I feel it, I live it!
Wow I must have been having a bad day when I wrote this one!!!!
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