It was in the local pub, the George and Dragon
When I noticed this stranger talking to the barmaid Sharon
He was moaning about the beer being slightly weak
So I went over to him and speak
I asked Sharon if she was ok or needed me to sort him out
And he looked at me and said. "It's ok mate, no need to shout."
He said he would show me a magic trick
I said, "I don't want to be entertained. I want a beer you prick"
He was a very strange looking man
Long brown hair and an Arabian looking tan
He said he'd been away from mankind for a long time
And really fancied a lager and lime
I told him I'd recommend the Stella
So after a while I got talking to this fella
He said he was called Jesus Christ from long ago
And he should me his hands, as if to show
But I told him that this was 2006
And that I didn't want to see no magic trick
He said that he wasn't the real Jesus Christ from back then
But a descendant from Jesus, his twin brother Ken
I said he had been on the beers far too long
And that if I was a religious nut, I'd find him wrong
I told him that if he goes round saying that
The men in white coats would lock him up for being a prat
He laughed and said it was true, he was a long lost descendent
And that so was the American President
Makes two nutters then who need to be locked away in the loony bin
Next you'll be telling your great aunt was Mary Madeline
Great, Great, Great aunt times a lot of generations back
And that the real Jesus wasn't a Jew but a Rasta and black
I asked him how he got those marks on his hands
He said some geezer knifed him over some insurance scams
I said that the real Jesus would not approve
He said he is ok, he's upstairs now watching Moulin Rouge
He told him the real Jesus was a womanising drunk
Who was bi sexual and got it on with some Roman hunk
I said he'd burn in hell for this blasphemy
He said they don't care up in heaven now they got cable TV
The boys downstairs are more moral and don't care about power
And they got this new power hose shower
Which will cleanse the sins straight from your back
Once he Hell you lose all track
But heaven he said, isn't all that
Bit boring now, gone a bit flat
That's why he said he's come down from heaven
And been in the George and Dragon since eleven
He chewed away on his roasted peanuts
And said he planning on staying until it shuts
He offered me another a drink
But i said I needed time to think
So I left my local not knowing what to say
But we arranged to meet again for a few more beers on Saturday.
