Celina Adrian

30,188 poems read

"self worth"

saying goodbye to my sweet queen
wasn't easy
when I called her my good time girl
she got offended but it was truly a compliment
never having as much fun with a lover, ever
my good time girl, so lovely to the touch and sight
the thought of her name alone made me happy, daily -
the way that she made love to me
let me know how deep she could go
I let her
which is rare for me
I'm usually inside
and i'm usually more guarded
than allowing

she touched emotions with the first stroke
the second, made me giggle for days
the third, penetrated a hardened heart
now softer than the years spent before her -

at this very moment,
I can't count the number of times
that my head fell in love with her mind
my smile fell in love with her laughter
powerful in its embrace
but loose in its grip -
so much in common
yet we couldn't be more different

this moment is real, I told her
which means that I am something more lasting
than permanency itself
I'm not those other lovers,
who need her day after day
to fill their ego and rock their insecurities
I have never needed emotional craddling
I don't think
I've never allowed enough to know

I tried to have her notice that I am independent
so that I could feel safe to go deeper
ssshhh, she says
as her full lips kiss sofly
and her tongue makes love to every inch of my body
beautiful beautiful beautiful, I cry out -

and just like that
just when I trusted going deeper
just when I began to allow

a harsh rain came
drenching me with a downpour full of her confusion
and even I couldn't distinguish between the rain and my own tears -

my thoughts, wishing that my hands knew
how to hold on to my strong lover with an even stronger clinch
at the time,
she seemed worth every hug
but it's difficult when
she prefers to hold on to the illusion
of miss manhattan,
so far away
but seemingly closer in her mind than I am, nearby
in her face and on her face
and her in mine
night after night
after night
when she visits
and still
I am not