Such a long time and so many frustrations yet through force of will a
flame remained kindled. Like a long burning candle hope melted down
slumping to the side as the weight of failure piled ever so much higher.
Then with a flicker of light, a spark re-ignited
as if the candles wick refused to go cold. Slowly the wax formed a cone
as hope surrounded me for one last effort, a desperate gasp for air as
my depression threatened to smother me. It warmed my thoughts to think
that my quest might come to an end. Gently I planted the seeds of
curiosity that changed to yearning as my hearts deepest longing was becoming
reality. I became the computer searching facts, finding names, checking
dates. It overwhelmed me but I struggled to maintain my course steady
and true. There was so much at stake. Finally exhausted I had to try one
last time. Reaching deep into my reserves I exposed myself and with one
last effort I stretched out my hand and I felt a gentle grasp that
became an impassioned plea as I felt you struggling to understand, the
feelings overwhelming you also. With a simple phone call, souls lost for so
long become familiar as conversation between old friends. We talked for
hours searching for answers to questions as yet unformed. Is it real,
will it last I think as I worry that this new found heaven
is but a bubble within a fragile eternity waiting to burst at the
slightest touch. I reach out still to understand and to learn, but I realize
this is just as awkward for you, my daughter for whom I've searched for
so long. You never knew, not a hint of biology was exposed yet still
you feel the truth of it all. So much time lost, so much love never
shared yet hope has been rekindled. If only my quest was truly over, but
that can never be except with the final conclusion that is a hug between a
daughter and her dad.
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