I am sitting here very late at night,
As of course, only I can do!
Thinking and pondering on my life;
And what this body of mine has gone through.
And I am thinking deep this night,
About what I want out of life;
And I have to say, in my heart of hearts,
I don't want to end my life of strife!
You see, it's a little like this;
My body is falling apart,
And the way I am feeling right now,
Truly breaks my heart.
For the first time in my life, I have a life,
And no matter the quality or the pain!
This is my life, I value this life!
And I am not going to be driven insane!
You see, this body has much to contend with,
Everything's falling apart at the seams,
And a life of bliss, a life of ease;
Is of course, only in my dreams!
And now another body blow just lately,
Oh my, oh my, what a mess I am in!
My hearts messed up, my kidneys too…
Oh yes, but I'm only fit for the bin!
And not only that, but tests are needed,
Another problem again and again,
It's a wonder that I'm still alive!
And a wonder I can still bear this pain!
But I am, and yes, I do!
And why would that be; would you think?
It's because I'm as stubborn as God made me true;
And my life could be over in a blink!
For this body has much to contend with,
Much more than one body can bear;
And I never thought I would say this now;
But it damn well isn't damn ruddy fair!!
I live a life as good as of course, I can
And I am as easy going as one can be!
But at times it's hard to get through the day;
And I get so sad and upset you see…
But only because I am angry!
Over the fight I have to fight each day!
For this fight I fight is so hard just now,
And nope, I'm not feeling at all; ok!
So now in this mellow mood this night,
I reflect on this life that I live;
And know in my heart, it's as fragile as can be;
Yet I still have an awful lot to give!
You see there is my Rich, my man;
Who I so totally love and adore!
And without me, it would break his heart;
He wouldn't want to go on any more…
And yes, I can say that and know it!
For his heart would not take the pain,
So I need to live, so he can be happy,
And live a good life once again!
For sadness is a terrible thing,
And of that he's had plenty you see!
So sad was he, and he was so bereft…
And so he needs the love of me!
So for the love of my Rich, who I adore,
I need to keep my heart beating over and again!
And I can get through anything I need to,
Even surviving all of this damn pain!
For as long as he has me, then I know…
That he will always live a life in smile…
For the love I have for him is beyond all else,
And I hope to be here for a very long while!
So once again it's in the hands of my God!
And I hope He can find it in Him…
To help me through many another harsh fight!
And find it in His heart to let me win!