So how do I feel, exactly?
Well I'm afraid that I just can't say;
For my feelings are all over the place;
And my fears I just can't stay!
They tell me almost weekly,
That my body is falling apart,
And that causes me such fears,
And puts more strain on this damaged heart!
All my organs are a total and utter mess,
Everything's so damaged and battered inside;
You can't see it, oh yes but it's so,
And I can't run from the fears and hide!
For the fears are with me daily just now,
Though usually I put it all away;
In a box, locked out of sight,
And leave the fears there till another day!
Only this time I can't seem to box them up!
And the fears get stronger as they grow
So I try to suppress them, failing badly,
As only I can ever really know!
So today I told my doctors again,
No more will I worry or will I fret!
Because I believe this life we have,
Is the life we are meant to get!
So God gave me a body so bad,
To see if I would survive all I do!
And of course I have, as only I can!
I am as strong as God made me true!
So I fight the fight every day,
And at times like now in the dead of night,
I tap out my fears on this machine here,
And try to eke out my saddened plight!
And of course it makes me feel better,
Ridding my thoughts and my fears!
Only, now I am hoping to God…
That He will listen and lend me His ears!
For I am floundering in a fog so thick,
And I don't know what the hell to do;
So I write it out, get it out,
In the hope that my strength shines through!
For I know I am only here for one thing,
And that's because this is God's plan!
And without any thought or disregard;
I have to fight the fight as only I can!
And hope amongst hope He hears me;
Hope He listens to my plea this night;
To get me through this nightmare of mine;
And try to at least ease my plight!