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Is She Kidding Herself?


She had an awful childhood,
Oh how bad it was for she!
She had to live in a fantasy world,
Where she was as safe as she could be!
Of course she grew up, as we do,
And life carried on as it will;
Facing each day, hating each day;
For every day was the steepest hill!

And she went into adulthood as normal,
Only her life wasn't normal, you see!
Because her life was lived in fear and pain,
For beatings were all she could see.
Then he got older and he mellowed;
And seemed to change his way,
For never did he beat her again,
Since 6 weeks to her wedding day!

Then he aged as we all do,
And her dad got really ill…
So sad was he, so frail was he;
And his anger was ever so still!
For he had mellowed before the illness,
And would cry and weep over she!
Saying he did it so she would be a good girl,
But she was a good girl you see!

Then he died, and yes, it was sad,
And yes, she cried and she sobbed as well,
And she was so full of anger too;
For the things she wanted to tell!
She wanted to tell him he was wrong,
She wanted to make him weep!
She wanted to fill him with such pain!
She wanted the guilt to creep!!!

Creep into his heart so hard,
And fester and make him cry!
But she never told him, and she was mad,
Because now she would never know why…!
…Why he did such evil to her!
Why he inflicted such fear and pain!
Why he did all the things he did!
Why he caused her such awful pain!

She hated him, oh how she hated him!
Yet she would say she'd forgiven him too!
She was so mixed up and confused,
She just didn't know what to do!
So she told herself she'd forgiven him,
But never would she forget!
And still to this day; she doesn't know;
If she's really forgiven him yet!

He's her dad; she's supposed too!
She say's she has, but she lie's a lot,
How can she ever forgive him that?
Does she love him, or does she not?
Her minds confused, she's not sure;
How she does really and truly feel;
She wants to forgive him, she really does;
But everything's so damn surreal!

So she found a picture of him one day;
And so she put it in a frame;
She looked at it, and looked at it;
Over and over again!
Then she traced her finger over his face;
The face that ended so sweet and kind;
Gentle eyes in a softened face;
No more a monster can she find!

So she is looking to this picture;
And the man that she sees smiling there;
Is not now the smile of a monster!
It's her dad; and somehow, from somewhere-

She cares?
 
She cares?  When she said she hated him!
She cares? When he beat her so bad!
She cares? When he had her terrified!
She cares? Yes, she cares for this dad!

I guess she does! I guess she's through the fog!
I guess she forgave! I guess it was time!

Hate begets anger, anger begets hate!
And hate is a destructive word!

So let it go today!







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