Well she decided to get a computer,
And I told her, yes I did, I told her true;
That if she got one, I'd help her out,
As of course, only I could do!
She got the computer, and oh dear me,
She hasn't got a flippin' clue!
In fact she tells me almost every night!
‘Cath, I just don't know what to do!'
So in I go on a mission to sort her out!
And give her instructions on her PC,
But all I get off her is; ‘Grrrrrr!
It's driving me as mad as mad can be!'
So I tell her to make herself a cuppa,
And to chill and calm herself down!
But every time I look to her…
She's wearing the biggest frown!!
‘I can't do this, it's a pain!' She shouts.
‘It's driving me up the flaming wall'
So I tell her, I do, I say;
‘Maureen! Will you pick up the phone and call!!!'
I tell her to phone me when she needs me,
But she say's I'll get fed up with her!
And I tell her all the time, I do! I say;
‘Mo, if you need me I'm always there!'
‘I almost lashed it through the window tonight,
I did!' She shouted to me!
‘I've been at it for over 3 hours!
It wont work; I've not even had my tea!
I can't open the internet' she shouted!
‘I've got boxes all over the place!
And they just won't go away,
This stupid computers a disgrace!'
I sat at the PC and typed out lists!
About the use of the internet and mail,
And 3 hours later, I'm still at it,
And fixed it, cos I just never fail!
So I'm teaching her the in's and out's;
Of e-mail, the internet and Yahoo,
How to use her e-mail for letters,
And what it is she has to do!
And I've taught her about the font,
Also about the short-cut keys!
But still it drives her mad!
She say's it's brought her to her knees!
So she comes in to see me often,
And she tells me tales galore,
We have a laugh, we do!
Till our tears fall all over the floor!
Then pretty soon it gets onto her PC,
And she tells me it's driving her mad!
So I laugh, a lot, and say to her;
‘Mo, your computer skills are bad!!'
And she gets all moody, oh but she does,
This ‘oh so quiet lass' next door!
But every time that I go in hers,
She's giving that computer what-for!!!
It's; ‘grrrrr,' to this, and ‘grrrr' to that!
And she really stomps her feet, a lot!
Oh yes Mo, I have to say it!
‘You should be flippin' well shot!!!'
She was such a quiet lass - you know!!
Well, before she bought that PC…
And tonight, well I have to tell it true;
She almost threw the thing at me!
I knocked on her door earlier;
To give her some bread she wanted tonight,
She opened up the door,
And frowned and gave me such a fright!
I followed her into her living-room,
And she scowled real bad!
‘I'm going to lash that computer!!'
She roared; ‘It's driving me mad!'
She said she'd lash it through the window...
Had it not been for me!
I laughed my head off!
I told her to chill with a cup of tea!
So there she sat, and scowled!
And frowned all night in her chair!
Oh cor blimey, what a sight!
I wanted to laugh, but would I dare?
Well I couldn't help it, I laughed,
Cos I told her to sit at the PC…
Talked her through writing a letter;
Oh blimey, oh golly gee!
And she stared at the computer;
Then I said; Mo, say hi!'
The tears were streaming down my face,
As I began to cry!
I really couldn't stop screaming laughing,
Oh what a sight to see;
Cos she turned where she sat...
And dead-pan faced; looked at me!
And as straight as a dye,
She turned to the screen and said; ‘hi'
Well that's when I totally lost it,
And I began to cry!
She looked to me again,
And straight faced said; ‘what!'
And I still shook with laugher!
And told her she should be shot!!
I said; ‘Mo, you nut, don't say it to me,
Type it into your e-mail'
She looked a little lost,
Then it dawned on her and she began pale!!!
Well we burst out laughing,
When she realised what she had done!
Oh my, oh my, these computer lessons;
Are such damn good fun!!
So I left her to it, and came home to my bed;
I was all shattered!
Cos I have to say it;
She's got my head totally knackered!
So tomorrow again,
We shall have a computer lesson!
And I bet my backside we fall apart,
And no, I'm not messin'!
Cos she's as nutty as a fruit cake!
When it comes to that PC,
And trust me true,
One day she'll be as good as me!
Cos I will make sure of it,
Oh yes indeed; I sure as hell will!
But I bet by the time she does it,
I'll be so knackered and ill!
Cos all that laughing can't be good for us,
It can't you know!
Cos we've both got bad hearts,
Cos our good health had to go!
But hey, they say the finest medicine,
Is to laugh and have fun,
And so we should be fit and healthy,
Cos that's all we've done!
And this bone of contention,
This computer is to my mate, Mo,
Has to conform to her wishes,
Or the damn thing will have to go!
She told me a woman on the telly...
Tonight told a sorry tale,
All about internet addicted 80 year olds,
And I think I went pale!
Seems she used to baby-sit her grandchildren-
Before she got the PC!
But now she refuses all the time,
Said she's got a life now you see!
And another old dear won't go to bed!
Cos she's typing all night!
But it seems in the morning,
They all look a fippin' sight!
Mo said to me; ‘This is stupid,
They're older than me! I'm only 71!'
And snarled; ‘I hate this computer,
Cos it aint no damn fun!!'
So I left her in peace tonight,
All knackered and confused!
All cos she's can't work it,
So she's most upset and bemused!
And the; ‘Cath, got a minute?
I'm up the wall, I'm doing wrong!!'
Turned out to be a total,
Of more than 3 hours long!!
But I left her with information,
Which I typed out all night!
And I bet when I see her in the morning,
She'll look a ruddy sight!
Cos she's as knackered and knackered-
As can ever be!
So I'll call in on her tomorrow;
For a quick cup of tea!
That will probably be another
3 hour marathon PC lesson!!!
And I jest you not,
I'm really not messin'!!!
).setAttribute('href','//poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?sitename=dcdrifter&item=home');document['poetimage'].height='45';document['poetimage'].src='//poetrypoem.com/photos/poets/dcdrifter-button.jpg';;WriteLayer('ptitle',null,'Mechanical Maestros');WriteLayer('ppoem',null,'Tatum' s Tiptop Transports I have spent countless hours watching exp<a href="//poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?poemnumber=1349919&displaypoem=t&sitename=dcdrifter&item=poetry" target="_top" style="text-decoration:none;"><font style="color: #18397C;font: 900 12px times;"> ... More</font></a>');WriteLayer('poetinfocus',null,'dcdrifter');WriteLayer('pdate',null,'2024-04-09')){kind=small}
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