Absent Minded
my 3 memories of Grandma Turner
10 seconds ago i got a call from my brother
his voice was shaky
its the middle of the afternoon
he never calls this early
i couldnt sleep last night
all the thoughts running in my head
i even took two extra strength sleeping pills and couldnt sleep
its my grandma he tells me
the one you havent seen since you were ten
She's on her deathbed
and then even though his voice didnt quake
any further
i kne the tears were flowing
i knew he was thinking the same thing as me
that life was unfair
and we loved our grandmother
and there was nothing either of us could do
shes soo far away
alone and probably scared
and for us to come see her
would be like meeting strangers who were never there
to watch her ide when they were never around when
she was alive
And now i dont know what to think
is it me
im poor and cant afford long distance on a cell phone i dont even pay for
should she have called me more often?
or should i have got a calling card and been more of a family man?>
and now im mad
hurt and upset at why my dad never let us as kids
spend time at christmas or thanksgiving
with my moms parents
I dont know her well
i just remember like three memories
its soo sad
One on our way back from disneyland and her in a goofy hat
you know the one with those teeth and ears
another when my mom was leaving one of her abusive boyfriends
and my grandma turner let her stay there
and my little half brother and sister who were two and 6 months
needed an escape were there
the first time i met my little brother and sister
and the third memory is fuzzy its a christmas
where our dad made us leave early so we could go home
and spend christmas with his family like we did every year
Ive only seen my little half brother and sister twice
most of my family are strangers
outsiders on the inside
i dont know how to handle this
when the system knows me better than my mom
my grandma or granpa who are almost dead
and my little brother and sister i dont know when ill ever see them agfain
Grandma Theres a heaven i told her
I read tarot cards professionally
and you know when ur dieing of cancer you can hardly speak
I am a poet i told her with poetry on thwe web
never told her anything of drug problems or family issues
or suicidal friends
Grandma we'll see eachother again
and the enxt time we meet ourt lives wont carry out like this one did
and it will seem like a flash
and then the line started beeping and hung up
and thats probably the last time i'll ever get to speak with my grandma
the one i have three memories with
and its not her fault
its mine isn't it?
his voice was shaky
its the middle of the afternoon
he never calls this early
i couldnt sleep last night
all the thoughts running in my head
i even took two extra strength sleeping pills and couldnt sleep
its my grandma he tells me
the one you havent seen since you were ten
She's on her deathbed
and then even though his voice didnt quake
any further
i kne the tears were flowing
i knew he was thinking the same thing as me
that life was unfair
and we loved our grandmother
and there was nothing either of us could do
shes soo far away
alone and probably scared
and for us to come see her
would be like meeting strangers who were never there
to watch her ide when they were never around when
she was alive
And now i dont know what to think
is it me
im poor and cant afford long distance on a cell phone i dont even pay for
should she have called me more often?
or should i have got a calling card and been more of a family man?>
and now im mad
hurt and upset at why my dad never let us as kids
spend time at christmas or thanksgiving
with my moms parents
I dont know her well
i just remember like three memories
its soo sad
One on our way back from disneyland and her in a goofy hat
you know the one with those teeth and ears
another when my mom was leaving one of her abusive boyfriends
and my grandma turner let her stay there
and my little half brother and sister who were two and 6 months
needed an escape were there
the first time i met my little brother and sister
and the third memory is fuzzy its a christmas
where our dad made us leave early so we could go home
and spend christmas with his family like we did every year
Ive only seen my little half brother and sister twice
most of my family are strangers
outsiders on the inside
i dont know how to handle this
when the system knows me better than my mom
my grandma or granpa who are almost dead
and my little brother and sister i dont know when ill ever see them agfain
Grandma Theres a heaven i told her
I read tarot cards professionally
and you know when ur dieing of cancer you can hardly speak
I am a poet i told her with poetry on thwe web
never told her anything of drug problems or family issues
or suicidal friends
Grandma we'll see eachother again
and the enxt time we meet ourt lives wont carry out like this one did
and it will seem like a flash
and then the line started beeping and hung up
and thats probably the last time i'll ever get to speak with my grandma
the one i have three memories with
and its not her fault
its mine isn't it?
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my 3 memories of Grandma Turner
my 3 memories of Grandma Turner