Absent Minded
I don't like being gay
Once upon a time
i was happy and free to be me
I was secure in being queer
and now I'm as messed up as can be
I loathe the fact I'm not normal
that I'm something I'm not supposed to be
I cant stand I'll never have a baby
and i crave another man
who will never treat me with an ounce of respect
because of who i am to him
just an object to use and dispose of
I don't like who I am
like garbage i sit here and rot
but only there is no sun so it takes a very long time
I don't know why they bothered to give me any rights at all
if i would have known my suffering would just pour on me like this
i wouldn't have failed like i failed before
swallowing pill after pill
confused with my role
and who i was supposed to love
but now the gay humor
and pride I despise
The symbolism of love
which to me is lies of politics
and there is no happily ever after
why didn't the dummies write a book
how to lie to yourself
and your wife and kids
for fourty years a
and teach courses and classes to my generation
so i could be liberated?
I am disgusted in myself as i do not like women
and find i loathe men for everything they are
loving is wrong anyway right
how bizarre
as the rest of the world forgets their arguing over
who has the copyrights to this stupid planet
and who gets to be worshipped for our suffering
\are we better off satanists so the good guy god
can have the last laugh
even though he did nothing!!!
I don't like being gay
it hurts everyday
not like I'm a different color but inside you see it
you hear my voice and actions then treat me accordingly
and no longer do we stay friends
no longer am i able to play your games
no longer am i able to be the same
its driving me insane
who am i?
in this hell
and what did i do
before i was sent into these pits
to relive this nightmare
of selfless selfish love again and again
where no one listens
and its hunky dory
and it doesn't matter anyway
i just keep suffering with all these issues and tissues
used and abused by anyone i care to let in
momentarily borrowed
crawling inside my skin
it doesn't matter I'm never coming back i scream
if i had it my way
id be the one to end the beginning of this horror
the end of the dream that never comes
but that's just me
I don't like being gay and judged and thrown away
by churches and gods
and prophets and politics
\and farmers
and then my own peers
over stupid things
I want to disappear
and change my ways
like i ever could
I'm fine its them who are wrong
its them with their fetishes and fists up the bum
and leather and wearing women's underwear that make me cry
on and on and on
about how and where did we go this wrong?
I don't like be associated with that
i hate the thought people think gays are pedophiles
and in my gay scene if I'm not perfect with perfect teeth
the perfect body and the perfect lies of self esteem
I'm nothing
like we all are anyway
I truly do
i really wish i could change them
change myself
change you
figure it out
as I'm soo messed up
one more pill huh doctor?
is that what it takes
just an exorcism hey holy man
and some desensitized brainwashing
to not fall of the wagon again to love my fellow man
to be used and abused and feel it crawling under my skin
of how i will never be loved the way i dream
because porn psychology and everything from songs
and make belief has made me me
i don't care another pill
and another
stupider and more numb till i barf to get skinny
find someone to give me some momentary attention until they throw me away
and they will love it
as they cheat on their wife
and lie to their three kids and use me
i loathe what i am to soo many
a mask of lies
a destroyer of families
and I'm supposed to feel OK
i don't
and i disagree with soo much
I'm not happy
and i think everything is stupid
and everything sucks
soo many people are worse than me
but i get no ones attention
i don't like being gay
save time and see it my way
save your heartache and the tears and pain
trust me your lucky for not knowing
how much it aches all the time
to communicate with people with soo many masked issues and problems
i don't like it this way
and i wish i could change me or them or you
but I'm confused
and i don't like being gay
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I don`t like being gay
I don`t like being gay
