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Not permanently established here
Could move away to Brookings there
Could be invited to your side of town
You have to forgive me, I'm down

I wonder if my thoughts in poetry
Are something you can hear from me
Because I get sad, want to cry
I think of ways I could die

With insulin or KCL
Tonight my life was hell
I cannot sleep
And then some creep

In Pendleton's downtown
Tried to pick me up and follow me around
I lost an earring too old to be replaced
Lie in bed with pain that must be faced

Up now took a whole Vicodan
Question if life is my friend
My back is gone, sciatica kills me
Try to take what God deals me

Realize you said only want me once a year
While I wait a lifetime for you, dear
The only man for whom I quit smoking
I do all for you, I am not joking

God, forgive me for being down
You know I need his love around
It makes me happy to trust him
The only man out of a world of them

The one who lets me read for awhile
Number just says, Angelman, when I dial
Knows all my forbidden thoughts
Write to him little or lots

Gives me a place to go protected
Listens, knows I'll get corrected
In time will work it out to live
Moment to eternity to him have to give

The grace I feel writing this
You above me heaven's kiss
Mind's eye brighter feel it now
To love you leaves me happy somehow

My pain is leaving
No more grieving
I think I'll put a wedding band
On this soft, pink, strong left hand

I will wear it and in my heart
I'll be your wife and have my part
Then other men won't follow me
Because I belong to you secretly

Keep working---go work now
Close my eyes pretend you're here somehow
Give myself the touch I need
Scream his name when it is freed

Free yourself again for this man
If you play it's easier to stand
When he's off, away, where ever
Be faithful, resourceful, clever

He comes back when he can
In his touch he understands
I am his when it can be
Until then I can call with poetry

So I'll put on a golden ring
And when I have money I will bring
It down to a jewelry store
Have Earth engraved like a ring before

Then if me you cannot love
I will know there's not a God above
God is love and I love you
He doesn't give us more than we can do

Better now talking to you dear
Time has passed and sex is near
The next half hour you're all I see
My love, how I appreciate thee!

9/14/2002 0330 cj

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