The Unfairness Of Angels

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 Missing the kiss goodnight
I sometimes think it was all a dream
And I'll wake up to what once had been
How could one summers day be all right
Then totally change that summers night
My life was taken away, seeing you suffer
And I still can't live without you mother
My heart and my soul have been ripped out
And my loss for you is an ever-ending drought
I miss you so much, I miss you beyond everything
I sometimes wonder how I am still managing
At least I have stopped myself from falling
And I know it's time for me to move out of Ealing
David's a dad now, and Bens moving to Rickmansworth
But I so long, to hear your words
I feel like a lost boy, alone in a wood
I still feel different and misunderstood
Daves met someone else too
And is doing the same things with her, as he did with you
I can't handle it, it's driving me mad
I feel he's insulting your memory and the good times you had
Mum, I wasn't ready to feel this amount of pain
Nothing now seems the same
You were the most amazing woman I have ever known
You were the reason I stayed at home
I loved you so much, and now I don't know what to do?
I simply can't cope with losing you
To actually see you die
And stare death in the eye
This is the hardest thing I have ever done
You can replace many things, but you can't replace your mum
Dave says we have to move forward because we can't bring you back
But I am finding it so hard to do that
I'm 32 I am still so young
It's not fair that I don't have a mum
I am angry with the Drs because they should've acted sooner
Then they may have found that Tuma
“Cancer!” I couldn't believe it when they told us
It was like being hit by a double decker bus
I am still getting over the shock
I still remember the time you died, 6.30pm on the clock
I was reading the Da Vinci Code beside your bed
Holding your hand, stroking your head
Then you just stopped breathing
And I looked over at Ben, we both had that dreadful feeling
And you didn't breathe out again
And in that hospital room it was just you me and Ben
Noises came from inside your chest
And how vividly I remember the rest
I held your hand until you passed away and died
And I fell to my knees and cried and cried
I am crying now writing this
I'd do anything to just feel your goodnight kiss
I love you mum and I miss you so much
And I am finding life extremely tough
Everyday I struggle, I don't know if I'll ever be free
But I promise you this; you'll  always be with me.



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