I came from a family with a dirty little secret, never spoken of....
No question a lot of family's share in the same pain, I have endured...
I was beat down if I did not go to this school or that church...
I was told you have to learn this religion...
Anybody older than you, I need to call them my elder, that may have been the best words I have ever heard as a child, it still holds true to this day...
As I got older, around 17, I started to notice changes...
People in my family started to quarrel and then die, 1 by 1 of the same
Affliction passed on from generations to generation... ALCOHOLISM...
No worst way to die... Alcoholism had a firm grip on my family, our souls
In one way or another...
We were hit like a freight train out of control, which still has many of us
Trapped by the big word - DENIAL - Fathers and mothers of both my parents,
Their fathers, their brothers, their sisters, their grand kids, their cousins,
Their kid's, and finally my generation...
Before I knew it, I had become just like the past generations...
Down & Out barely clinging to a word called life...
Just living in a shell, being tossed around like I was in a wave...
I took life for granted way too much and I was lucky enough too break the
Chain of hopelessness and despair...
After, I beat myself up over it for years, blaming my best friend's suicide
On myself on June 16, 1979. That day still seems like yesterday...
I have since understood it was not my fault...
Most of my young life, well into as I grew older...
I finally found the cork in time, too end my misery, and stop the hurt,
The bleeding, and false friend's, family and thyself...
Of self destruct by my own actions, I hold no 1 accountable but my self...
I have seen more people die, that I can not count all the wakes and funerals that I have attended...
Sadness still engulfs my every little thought, sadness that was well masked
Hidden deep down inside within me...For way to long...
Screaming to be released from the prison of hell...
Drinking and drugging back then, I thought it was cool and that just
Because everyone I knew did it, it was O.K.! Just a way of life...
Back then my sisters friends, the lucky ones were coming home from the
Vietnam war, never to be the same...
1 Day. I crossed that imaginary line, when it was no longer fun, to drink...
Very close to the end of the line for me...
The more I drank, the worst I became more lonely even in a bar full
Of people...
I just wanted to die! I had no life, I was dead inside...
Just merely going through the motions... Life was draining through the pours of my skin like sweat of those who died before I...
I remember my last drunk, like it was yesterday and I will never forget
It, for it helps me remember where I was and where I never want to go
Back too...
Most my friend's share the same pain as I do, some drink and that's o.k.
Some swore they would never drink again, or even date someone who
Was a drinker; however, one I know has fallen short of their own
Expectations by picking up that drink after 6 years of not touching a
Drop... Even though that person's life is falling apart at the seems and
I am sure with picking up that first drink has not made that persons
Problems get any better... How sad... Yet, I still pray everyday that
Person finds the path of sobriety again, and can continue on the
Journey of life...
