I guess I'm really struggling tonight,
Because I'm in so much pain!
It's getting harder to bear each day;
And it's driving me damn well insane!
I try to keep my head positive,
And tell myself to stay strong,
But I guess I'm struggling by the day,
Oh for pain relief, I so long…
But the pain relief is only temporarily,
And I know I have no choice you see…
Except to focus, and be determined daily,
Strong is the only thing that I have to be!
You see, 6 weeks ago I was sleeping,
One night in my bed…
When suddenly I woke up in agony,
And this is what the hospital doctor said;
‘Catherine, you've broken the bones off your spine!
They snapped off when you rolled over last night!'
I couldn't believe what he'd just said;
And I really got a fright!
But I was highly doped up on morphine!
They had pumped it in because of the pain,
So I guess it really didn't sink in!
Cos with morphine, you don't react the same!
He told me I had to take my pain meds,
And not to be a hero, that's what he said!
Of course I agreed, laughingly so!
It just didn't sink into my head!
I told him I wasn't staying in!
And he looked to me and told me true,
‘Oh but you are! Of that be sure!'
But I nodded saying there was nothing he could do!
Nothing can be done for me you see,
And we all know this is true,
So I wasn't staying in hospital!
Cos for me that just wouldn't do!
So I came home and slept it all off,
The morphine in my body that day!
And thought all would be well next morning,
Yes, I thought everything would be all ok!
3 days later while out shopping,
in this awful pain that I have to bear,
Suddenly I stopped my chair in the mall,
And burst into tears as I sat there!
My doctor phoned me later that day,
And I asked her what was to be my fate!
But I knew the answer before she said it…
Nothing can be done, it's much too late!
So I cried my tears a while longer,
Determined that it won't beat me!
So I focused and help my chin up high!
Cos I'm not giving up you see!!
…But…
As each day passed; my pain didn't cease,
I realised the fate that I had in store…
And God help me, it scared me so!
Didn't know if I could take any more!
And now each day, it's no better!
in fact, it's pretty much worse!
So all drugged up, on morphine…
I decided to put my feelings into verse!
Morphine, oh dear morphine…
What can I do; cos this pain's out of sight!
And without taking you, I know I can't cope!
I wouldn't get through each day, or each night!
So I decided not to be that hero!
That the doctor warned me about that night!
For I'm not that tough, I'm ashamed to admit,
Because this pain level is so out of sight!!
…So I do what I have to do…
And you know;
I don't even remember writing this last night...
Now that tells me something eh!!!
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