I'm a Liverpool mucker and drove me mum mad!
She always threatened me with; ‘I'm tellin' your dad!'
So I'd find a safe space to hide away…
And be terrifed for the rest of the day!
When me dad got home, oh woe was me!
He'd give me a crack…he was a hard man you see!
So I'd sit on the settee, we call it a couch!
Ready to leggit, never did I slouch!
Cos I had to be ready to leggit like mad!
Well blimey-O'reilly, you don't know me dad!
And I've said it before, when I was in me school,
I was the one who always broke the rule!
The cane was for the lads, oh yes it is…but…
I always got more, couldn't keep me mouth shut!
And that blasted statue, with the staring eyes!
Her name is Our Lady, the one who's so wise!
And as scared as I was, I still did it again!
Fight with the lads, cos I was such a pain!
But am proud to say, I was the cock of the school!
Only problem was, I always broke the rule!!
Cos I always got caught, cos I didn't tell a lie!
Well neither would you, if you knew why!
Cos me teacher was a hard-knock, from the old school!
And the cracks he gave, blimey, not cool!
I'd rather have the cane, oh yes I would!
At least it was over quck and only made of wood!
Cos me teacher had fists like an iron rod!
And when I knew I was in for it, I prayed to God!
I'd say to Him, ya know, the God up above!
‘Could you please make me teacher show a bit of love!'
‘And please could you give him a broken arm!'
‘Just a little one, so he could no longer harm…!'
‘Harm me legs, and me head and me neck!'
‘Cos to make sure he hit me hard, he'd always check!'
But this God fella, you know, the three in one!
Well, lets put it this way, it wasn't no fun!
Cos that God never helped me, oh woe is me!
And sometimes I even got 6 and not 3!!!
No wonder am skinny, well, am as thin as a stick!
Me mother took me the doctor, she thought I was sick!
Well I was sick, didn't she have a clue?
I was battered with the cane till black an blue!!
Now am only kiddin', well, ok am not!
But don't tell me teacher, or else I'd be shot!!
Nah, me teacher was ok, he was just a Liverpool lout!
But he sure packed a belt, aint no doubt!
And in case me family read this poem here,
Please don't snitch, or I'll get a thick ear!!
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