It was so simple what she told me today;
A slip of a lass and her name is Nicky!
The mother to my grandson, my ‘daughter' in fact,
A wise little mum over what she said today!
You see, it's a little like this,
I live with such terrible pain,
And everyday it gets a little bit more,
So much so, it drives me insane!
And my PC went kaboom, and broke,
My lifeline when its solace I seek,
Without that, I would go insane,
Trust me, its not even been a week!
But my son Joe came back today,
Oh my but he's worked so hard on it!
Trying to fix this flippin' machine!
Messing about with every little bit!
And when they knocked on the door,
Oh my, but I was in a mess!
With a pain out of sight, try as I might,
I cried tears all over my nightdress!
And the pain, oh the pain, it's horrendous,
It's so damn hard to get though the day,
And the nights, well they are worse!
Nope, I'm afraid not everything's at all ok!
I used to be out and about all the time,
Once upon a moon, long ago,
But then as things got worse and worse,
My ‘flighty' days of flitting had to go!
And more recently, well, oh gosh,
It's no wonder that I often cry,
Cos with a pain like this, only I can know,
How hard it is to keep a dry eye!
And the pain meds, this is the problem I have!
You see, they are morphine, addictive so much!
And my fear is of becoming just that!
But yet, they are my only crutch!
For I cant survive the pain without them,
Cos its so hard to deal with it 24/7
At least at times I know I can beat it,
And the meds place me in 7th Heaven!
Cos they make me fuzzy headed and sickly,
And I have to take to my bed,
For I am none-compos-mentis;
Yep, I'm afraid it has to be said!
But the fear of addiction is the problem,
Even though my doctors all tell me true;
‘Cath, you have no choice but to take it!'
‘Or you just will not, not ever, get through!'
And all this time I have worried about that,
Nicky simply said to me tonight,
‘Why are you worried about that?'
‘What is it that gives you a fright?'
I said; ‘Because I don't want to be addicted!'
And she simply said to me;
‘If someone was in an accident…'
‘They would need pain killers, but you see…'
‘…Their pain will go away; but yours won't!'
‘It is there every day, forevermore!'
‘So what does it matter if you do get addicted?'
‘When it's for the pain that you take it for!'
‘You see, your pain will never go away,'
‘So you can never stop the medication!'
‘So it doesn't matter if you get addicted!'
Oh wow, what pure elation!!!
Cos I never thought of it like that!
So I have suffered and suffered again!
So much so, I have to admit,
The depth of pain drives me insane!
And I can only be brave for so long!
Being a hero, well that's a thing of the past!
But after what Nicky simply said today,
Has given me peace of mind, at last!!!
Because of course she is correct!
My pain is here for the rest of my life!
And now because of what she said;
I have finally lost the fear and the strife!
What does it matter if I get addicted?
Well the truth is; it won't matter one dot!
Cos I have one life, and its precious to me!
And let's face it; I'm stuck with what I've got!
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