Absent Minded

The double life proposal

He lives a double life
but he loves me
I can't be trusted she says to him
after i tell her he asked me to marry him
and now im sad happy
crying tears of joy nonchalantly
no congratulations coming my way

He is gat but has to act straight
he is older than me by quite a few yeras but i love him
she suggests im being tricked into it perhaps
but im not sure what to think but feel

stories of accused machine guns and stolen property
stories of arson and drinking and driving
are we all criminals looking for love
jealousy turning the waters of desire in the chemical imbalance of my mind
am i cheater if i'm allowed
even if i say no and others step over lines we have drawn before lovers meet


Miscommunication
misheard conversations
don;t let it get to me
when do we move in together
talk of tortured souls of children
and beating our diddlers to death
no matter their repentance

if i could have a job of helpoing my brother from a distance
arems length
i would i say
but the double life
i live
the double life she sees
the double life he lives
the foundations of trusts shaken
all on one proposal to never stray from pacts of love
love that never could be any more shaken


Will you marry me?
don't trust him? is that what she said?

She says i would stand behind you all the way

miscommunication?

I'm stuck in the middle wondering idf its jeoulousy or betrayal
and here i am wondering should i pick up the phone
from a friend whose room i lit on fire
for the warlock i am is no hero

will i marry him?

play the waiting game some more?
thinking of the double life proposal
lies around lies around lies
and here is the truth i live
a mental case heloing on man live alie
wondeering if the woman whose house he just about bunt down
is the one who speaks the truth or is being vindictive
alas my life has been
always will be a drama no soap oprah can compare to

I love you I say
thats all you need to know
what ever happens
what ever goers down
my heart is pounding and my head is tired of these circles
I love you

The future in which i am sick from these spirits
drunk with the medium no subconciuos drinking game can bore me
what am i to think

the diddlers
the diddlers i will have my revenge for that yellow blanket dear brother
i burnt it again
another cigarette hole
another burn
i dont know why i keep it
seeing you raped on the darned thing
and mom and dad did nothing for me but you
just apiece of nothing to reminfd me
what that sicko did to me
a double standard of what you blamed me for dear brother
but will you come to my wedding?

I'm getting married to aman a few years younger than dad
a man who understands me and loves me
a man i love
a man the law is afraid of like me
and here i am in a ball with no one to invite
to my gay wedding no one to trust
more self help
more therapy
i guess i could ask my doctores and psychiatrists if theyd like to attend the ceremony
but brother whom id like to help from arms length who tried to kill me
when we were young
tell me
will you come?
will you be there at my wedding?
even though dad is busy moving away after grandpas funeral
and supposed fraud of his father's estate?

even though you blamed me for mom and dads divorce and tried to kill me
because we were molested
and im the one insane and here i am getting married to a sanre man
who wants to live a double life
and my only friend i have left whose house i almost burnt down suggests to walk away
will you be there when i get married

I know mom wont come she cant afford it
it would be awkward for dad to meet my future huisband whopse afew years younger thamn him
and even though you b;lame me for everything your the closest thing
i have left to a friend

Its a double life proposal
The lie i live
The lie he lives
The truthj she may or may not see or the jealousy?
or the vindictiveness?
or is it grandpas will?
i dont know....
will you come to my wedding?

when you find the love of your life i hope to be well enough to go to yours
i might not be sane later in life to enjoy it later
so hurry brother find love and fly me out
i want to see you happy while i can still remmeber you happy
before all i ahve left are bad memories

its a double life proposal
i know you dont get it
neither do i
my head is spinning
my heart hurts
and im tired of crying
i woke up and i know today that i have nothing left
rebuilding alife that is destroyed
but i dont know by who or what and where to poin thte finger

i guess we can just blame that stupid diddler

dont leave me at the road side


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The double life proposal

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