Shopping In Troy (Humor)

On a brisk summer day,
And a nice one I'll say,
I stopped at my favorite Shop-Mart.
I entered the wide door,
And walked out on the floor
Not giving much thought to a cart.

It was just afternoon,
As I whistled a tune,
After all, the sun was shining.
What a wonderful time,
Even with the long line,
To pause for a little buying.

Up and down, without smiles,
Racing in between aisles,
Were ladies on their shopping chores.
They were pushing those carts,
While exhuming small farts,
Doing wheelies on polished floors.

What attracted my eye,
As I watched, by and by,
Was those ladies, wives and mothers;
Seemed much meaner by far
Than they were in their cars,
Or I bet, under the under the covers.

With a glint in their eye,
They attacked an old guy
Who had left his cart down the aisle.
He must have been fair game,
And some kids were the same;
What's happened to manners and style.

"Come on, take it easy!
That's my heel. You crazy?
Wait just a minute and I'll move!
Oh, come on, have a heart.
Want to eat that darned cart?
Just what are you trying to prove?"

I progressed down the aisle
With mean looks and half smiles,
And foot work just like Fred Astaire;
Evading those drivers
With tricks like MacGyver,
And a brutal, mean looking stare.

Standing by the check stand,
A huge Amazon, tan,
With a cart and child on each arm.
She was grimacing there
With a volleyball glare,
Just hoping to spike me some harm.

I faked left and then right
To avoid a fistfight,
And then the Lord's kindness shown through.
One child dropped its bottle,
Kicked her in the throttle,
Which gave me a second or two.

Sucking up gut and wind,
I slipped back through again;
Freedom never tasted so sweet.
Saved from sure perdition
By a child's ambition,
And the size of its kicking feet.

As I walked down the lot
To my cramped parking spot,
I vowed that on subsequent days,
I would just make a list,
And have my wife assist
My shopping during full moon phase.
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