Absent Minded
Remembering Survival or Bliss that was forgotten
its soo hard
to remember
what ive been working on forgetting
its hard
i know that
they say i must find my voice
and my limit
my strength
to stand up to this
they wont take it all on
because i know they cant
Its hard to remember
what ive been working on forgetting
the excuses ive lived around
the ones ive built for everybody else
so i could feel normal
because sometimes it seems like it takes anything to belong
and now im medicated
and called lazy
shunned publicly
and a humiliation to my family
like i care
I dont want to remember
i blocked it out for a reason
maybe im just weak
soo what
no i can do this
maybe this happened
maybe it was
that
but something is wrong
i know it
and they worked on covering it up
like i wasnt locked in a cage
and i didnt have it that bad
but here i still am in this shell
working on forgetting
feeling stupid
ugly fat
yeah the world is hard
a hard place to be in
liquid courage tonight
to write this woe
to see if i can get there
to remember what i forgot
because it affects me
and i dont want this pain
a life as a mystery for anybody
ive felt hated
worthless
ive been self destructive
ive blamed god
myself
the world
ive been bitter
but what does it really matter?
i wont be opinionless or silent
i will still talk about my dreams
i wont lick your boots
somewhere deep inside of my brain
in my heart im living alie
its tearin me apart
and no oone ever tell s me the truth
and im all i got
i know you think you can understand
but when you block things out from childhood
and out of survival or bliss yopu have to remember
you find yourslef at this place
a rock and a hard place
and both of those words bring back terrible feelings
someone gave me the courage to walk around my living room naked
and appreciate myself
ive been beat more times than i can count to in an hour
been blamed for things outside of my control
i know most people grow up in a broken home
but when your own parents might be to blame for some things you chose to forget
dragged by the hair
thrown down the stairs
molested
and they dont remember
your crazy
medicated
a liar
your names are songs
haunted by truths youd rather tell then forget
who cares kill me already
you wont tell me who i am
other than anpother dirty word
suffering?
im surprised i made it this far
I know
i know its hard
not everyone has to choose to remember the things they blocked out
to choose survival over bliss
and share it with the world
maybe you will understand when im dead
maybe you womt understand at all
maybe the truth will never surface
of things that i have no control over
an dnever will
I'll run away from my feelings
as everyone helps my perpetrator feel better
but that slife
i gotta worry about me
stupid
dumb
loser
selfish lazy
retarded
lowlife
unemployed
me
NO
i am somebody
i hate this world for a reason
i hate whats happened to me
i hate what i dont know
sure
i hate how you rub it in my face
i hate how you get off on hurtinfg someone already victomised for money
i hate suffering
just another stage before the dpression kicks in
and then ill make you all happy
because the worl is always againstme
no matter what i do
or how hard i try
i want to remember but its hard
beat every other day
laying on the floor legs my only slef defense
running through the streets in my underwear to my parents friends house
bruises on my neck
bruises on my back
councellor blamed me
i egged him on
its my fault i was molested
its my fault im crazy
its my fault i hate myself
survival or bliss
i want to remember
and then the converstaions with the television come in
responsible for 911
everytime i dream another nightmare
i think my lovers are assassins hired to kill me
home was never a happy place
but yet thats whgere i want to go
I'm not ready yet
I'll make more excuses for you today
cry myslef to sleep
as i feel sorry for the world
as i think im a good person yet a piece of @#$% for no reason
I wish people knew how they affected one person
and that one person had real issues
and people actually cared
maybe all the future madonnas and ozzy osbournes would realise
what they puit some vulnerable people through
and they really dont need the money
i guess theyre easy to get to
back to hating life and blaming god
for this hell
of emotions
mind games i play with myself
and a broken soul that is an insult to the angels
and mankind doesnt know yet im their peace treaty of their worlds
off topic
survival or bliss
remember what ive been working on forgetting
i now know why some people hate music
maybe i forgot nothing at all
but i wont forget how bad i wanted to run away
i will never forget that
the day my mom left
how my brother was manipulated into a weapon
i care but there is nothing i can do
and there is no poin tin driving myself crazy
to remember
what ive been working on forgetting
its hard
i know that
they say i must find my voice
and my limit
my strength
to stand up to this
they wont take it all on
because i know they cant
Its hard to remember
what ive been working on forgetting
the excuses ive lived around
the ones ive built for everybody else
so i could feel normal
because sometimes it seems like it takes anything to belong
and now im medicated
and called lazy
shunned publicly
and a humiliation to my family
like i care
I dont want to remember
i blocked it out for a reason
maybe im just weak
soo what
no i can do this
maybe this happened
maybe it was
that
but something is wrong
i know it
and they worked on covering it up
like i wasnt locked in a cage
and i didnt have it that bad
but here i still am in this shell
working on forgetting
feeling stupid
ugly fat
yeah the world is hard
a hard place to be in
liquid courage tonight
to write this woe
to see if i can get there
to remember what i forgot
because it affects me
and i dont want this pain
a life as a mystery for anybody
ive felt hated
worthless
ive been self destructive
ive blamed god
myself
the world
ive been bitter
but what does it really matter?
i wont be opinionless or silent
i will still talk about my dreams
i wont lick your boots
somewhere deep inside of my brain
in my heart im living alie
its tearin me apart
and no oone ever tell s me the truth
and im all i got
i know you think you can understand
but when you block things out from childhood
and out of survival or bliss yopu have to remember
you find yourslef at this place
a rock and a hard place
and both of those words bring back terrible feelings
someone gave me the courage to walk around my living room naked
and appreciate myself
ive been beat more times than i can count to in an hour
been blamed for things outside of my control
i know most people grow up in a broken home
but when your own parents might be to blame for some things you chose to forget
dragged by the hair
thrown down the stairs
molested
and they dont remember
your crazy
medicated
a liar
your names are songs
haunted by truths youd rather tell then forget
who cares kill me already
you wont tell me who i am
other than anpother dirty word
suffering?
im surprised i made it this far
I know
i know its hard
not everyone has to choose to remember the things they blocked out
to choose survival over bliss
and share it with the world
maybe you will understand when im dead
maybe you womt understand at all
maybe the truth will never surface
of things that i have no control over
an dnever will
I'll run away from my feelings
as everyone helps my perpetrator feel better
but that slife
i gotta worry about me
stupid
dumb
loser
selfish lazy
retarded
lowlife
unemployed
me
NO
i am somebody
i hate this world for a reason
i hate whats happened to me
i hate what i dont know
sure
i hate how you rub it in my face
i hate how you get off on hurtinfg someone already victomised for money
i hate suffering
just another stage before the dpression kicks in
and then ill make you all happy
because the worl is always againstme
no matter what i do
or how hard i try
i want to remember but its hard
beat every other day
laying on the floor legs my only slef defense
running through the streets in my underwear to my parents friends house
bruises on my neck
bruises on my back
councellor blamed me
i egged him on
its my fault i was molested
its my fault im crazy
its my fault i hate myself
survival or bliss
i want to remember
and then the converstaions with the television come in
responsible for 911
everytime i dream another nightmare
i think my lovers are assassins hired to kill me
home was never a happy place
but yet thats whgere i want to go
I'm not ready yet
I'll make more excuses for you today
cry myslef to sleep
as i feel sorry for the world
as i think im a good person yet a piece of @#$% for no reason
I wish people knew how they affected one person
and that one person had real issues
and people actually cared
maybe all the future madonnas and ozzy osbournes would realise
what they puit some vulnerable people through
and they really dont need the money
i guess theyre easy to get to
back to hating life and blaming god
for this hell
of emotions
mind games i play with myself
and a broken soul that is an insult to the angels
and mankind doesnt know yet im their peace treaty of their worlds
off topic
survival or bliss
remember what ive been working on forgetting
i now know why some people hate music
maybe i forgot nothing at all
but i wont forget how bad i wanted to run away
i will never forget that
the day my mom left
how my brother was manipulated into a weapon
i care but there is nothing i can do
and there is no poin tin driving myself crazy
Comment On This Poem --- Vote for this poem
Remembering Survival or Bliss that was forgotten
Remembering Survival or Bliss that was forgotten
