Absent Minded
schitsoeffective mood disorder ( for blair)
i have been ill
angry and happy
sad and stuff
in love and depressed
suspicious and naseaus
and most of the time you make me feel the most wonderfull things
my brain takes the slightest emotion
and exaggerates it
and like an imagination dragging me behind
im on this terrible ride
taking everyone with me
I love you
yeah weve been through stuff
and i have to blame myself for a lot of it
because you tried harder to love me
and i get moody
subtly sabatoge us
i dont mean to its just
me and its not fair
and then i have to humble myself and try to repair what ive destroyed
all the things i said i didnt mean
all the letters i wish i never sent
all the times i know i made you feel you were better off dead
i wish my love was pure
and you could feel the love i have for you instead of this illness i am
pushing you awau and sabatoging
how hard you try
then blaming myself
and being paranoid
mistrusting the ones i love
and mixing the truth with the lies of nightmares and delusions
The hell u have gone through to prove you love me
is amazing
and you are amazing
and here i am a victom of what i am
hurting the ones i love
wanting them to run away
but yet selflessly trying to get them to hold back
im confused
and hurt
and scared
a lot
im amazed by you
and i know when someone is pushed
wether subtly or on purpose they geta reaction
and here is what we got
a cursed love
where i wnat to be happy but sabatoge everything
counselling
pillsprescriptions
id do needles to take it all away
i dont want to emotionally hurt anyone anymore
with my exaggerated insecurities
i know its me and its my fault
you truly loved me
but its gotta be hard to live with such an emotional mindgame
you are strong and wise
I love you
might not sound poetic
but you soo far have been the beauty in my life
Im a feat of unequal measure
who can never learn an impossible life lesson
i can try to learn the tools to overcome the trenches
of those i fail when i cant cure myself and affect them when they arent as strong as you
but its hard to appologise all the time
to those you love and hurt and dont know why
and you would give anything to those you love
to get them to stop for a second and think of those they hurt subtly
and how they sabatoge their own life
dont be stuck in this rut like me
a victom of your mind
schitsophrenic mood disorder
i sabatoge my relationships and my life
i plan to fail subtly and push away
until you cant take it anymore
and here iam lookin gfor my cure
in a world that seems to learn how to make it harder for me
as i cry more and more
for the way i feel for those ive hurt
by the things ive said
my moodswings they hvae been effected by
my friends and family all run from my life
I dont kno wif they paid you to be with me or what
but either way thank you
and here iwill be stirring the pot of the world for my object to crave
of a curte of my illness
to show the world my scars
and how to handle people like me
so one day people with schitsoeffective mood disorders
dont have to cry every day feel guilty fopr everything
and constantly hurt the ones they love
Im sorry for making you cry
you are the most beautifull strong willed man ive ever met
I love you
and i wish my love wasnt a mindgame for us both
of moodswings
and exaggerated emotion and paranoia
dont ever think you are not worthy of life or living
you made mine something
because no one has a clue what i go through
they just call me up and tell me how to live my life
to get a job
do this or that
and have no recollection of what its even like being around me
when im under stress and at my worst
with mood swings and exaggerated emotion and paranoia
but im done feeling sorry for myself
and this personal accountability of how its my fault for doing drugs
sucks too
so its my fault in the end anyway
and time heals everything
but loves rubbing salt in the wound of how
im to blame for my own life and actions
and actually affect other people
yet here i am powerless over everything
welcome to my nightmare diagnosis of whats wrong with me
conditionally human to the third degree.
angry and happy
sad and stuff
in love and depressed
suspicious and naseaus
and most of the time you make me feel the most wonderfull things
my brain takes the slightest emotion
and exaggerates it
and like an imagination dragging me behind
im on this terrible ride
taking everyone with me
I love you
yeah weve been through stuff
and i have to blame myself for a lot of it
because you tried harder to love me
and i get moody
subtly sabatoge us
i dont mean to its just
me and its not fair
and then i have to humble myself and try to repair what ive destroyed
all the things i said i didnt mean
all the letters i wish i never sent
all the times i know i made you feel you were better off dead
i wish my love was pure
and you could feel the love i have for you instead of this illness i am
pushing you awau and sabatoging
how hard you try
then blaming myself
and being paranoid
mistrusting the ones i love
and mixing the truth with the lies of nightmares and delusions
The hell u have gone through to prove you love me
is amazing
and you are amazing
and here i am a victom of what i am
hurting the ones i love
wanting them to run away
but yet selflessly trying to get them to hold back
im confused
and hurt
and scared
a lot
im amazed by you
and i know when someone is pushed
wether subtly or on purpose they geta reaction
and here is what we got
a cursed love
where i wnat to be happy but sabatoge everything
counselling
pillsprescriptions
id do needles to take it all away
i dont want to emotionally hurt anyone anymore
with my exaggerated insecurities
i know its me and its my fault
you truly loved me
but its gotta be hard to live with such an emotional mindgame
you are strong and wise
I love you
might not sound poetic
but you soo far have been the beauty in my life
Im a feat of unequal measure
who can never learn an impossible life lesson
i can try to learn the tools to overcome the trenches
of those i fail when i cant cure myself and affect them when they arent as strong as you
but its hard to appologise all the time
to those you love and hurt and dont know why
and you would give anything to those you love
to get them to stop for a second and think of those they hurt subtly
and how they sabatoge their own life
dont be stuck in this rut like me
a victom of your mind
schitsophrenic mood disorder
i sabatoge my relationships and my life
i plan to fail subtly and push away
until you cant take it anymore
and here iam lookin gfor my cure
in a world that seems to learn how to make it harder for me
as i cry more and more
for the way i feel for those ive hurt
by the things ive said
my moodswings they hvae been effected by
my friends and family all run from my life
I dont kno wif they paid you to be with me or what
but either way thank you
and here iwill be stirring the pot of the world for my object to crave
of a curte of my illness
to show the world my scars
and how to handle people like me
so one day people with schitsoeffective mood disorders
dont have to cry every day feel guilty fopr everything
and constantly hurt the ones they love
Im sorry for making you cry
you are the most beautifull strong willed man ive ever met
I love you
and i wish my love wasnt a mindgame for us both
of moodswings
and exaggerated emotion and paranoia
dont ever think you are not worthy of life or living
you made mine something
because no one has a clue what i go through
they just call me up and tell me how to live my life
to get a job
do this or that
and have no recollection of what its even like being around me
when im under stress and at my worst
with mood swings and exaggerated emotion and paranoia
but im done feeling sorry for myself
and this personal accountability of how its my fault for doing drugs
sucks too
so its my fault in the end anyway
and time heals everything
but loves rubbing salt in the wound of how
im to blame for my own life and actions
and actually affect other people
yet here i am powerless over everything
welcome to my nightmare diagnosis of whats wrong with me
conditionally human to the third degree.
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schitsoeffective mood disorder ( for blair)
schitsoeffective mood disorder ( for blair)
